


Finding an Angel (Gabriel x Reader)

by elysium_is_real



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Car Accidents, F/M, Gabriel x reader - Freeform, Hallucifer, Hell, Love Triangles, Major Character Injury, Memory Alteration, Mental Hospital, Mentions of Mary Winchester - Freeform, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Gabriel, Protective Sam Winchester, Torture, Trapped'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 14:30:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 40
Words: 45,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7938169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elysium_is_real/pseuds/elysium_is_real
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life can be a little chaotic, especially when in reality, no one has a guardian angel. Well, everyone but a few special people. Guess you're REALLY special, 'cause you got one of the big four. Throw in some Winchester's, a dash of demons, and a splash of the Dark Lord Satan, it might get interesting. Stir well for most dramatic effect and enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When you were a little girl, you'd always dreamed of having a guardian angel. Someone who would protect you, keep you safe, not let all those monsters in the dark get you. You'd pray to him every night before you slept, telling him or her about your day or the memory you'd remember that day while playing in the park with your new friend. Sometimes, it would be like there was really someone there and listening. You'd hear a ringing in your ears, a small sound only you'd hear. But no one would ever seem to notice your little habits except for your mother. She picked up on everything.

Your brother was the one person in the world who had understood you, the person you could go to in times of need. He was the shoulder to cry on when everyone else had left. After your parents had left when you were just born, all you'd had was each other. Nothing quite went right, but you tried. He tried. So when he got diagnosed with a brain legion, all you could do at the age of thirteen was stand and watch your lifeline die. You waited for him to get better, for your angel to come save her, save you.

Nothing happened. No one came. And so she died. You were alone, no one to hold you on nights when the nightmares came. And did they come. Horrible dreams of people dying, even people you didn't know or had ever seen. Sometimes, you could swear you'd seen a man at the foot of your bed muttering in a strange language, but you'd brushed it off as you overactive imagination Honestly, you couldn't have expected much, but sometimes, little things that you couldn't explain happened: wads of cash to pay for food, fresh flowers on your bedside table every night, and the cabinets seemed to always have plenty of candy. That last part was a little strange, but at 17, you just didn't care. It had been four years since you'd had adult guidance, and at this point, you didn't think you'd ever need any. That is, until a djinn kidnapped you from your own home.

On the way home from school one day, a man took you to an old warehouse. He was very strange looking, with tattoos all over him and blue eyes that danced around in delight in seeing your fear. He pushed you down, and moved his hand closer to your head. His hand lit up in a burst of blue flames and you fought against him with everything you had. But his hand grazed your head and you fell into a deep sleep.

It was like paradise. Your parents were back, and you had a little sister. She was beautiful, and so were you. It was like a wish had been granted. Days passed and you were finally getting used to having a family again. But there was this boy your age, someone you had seen in the hallways ay school. The new kid, an outcast. He kept popping up and haunting you, telling you to wake up, this isn't real. Suddenly, paradise didn't seem so paradise-y anymore. You brought a knife to your wrist one morning as the boy told you and cut deep. Your "family" stood in the doorway and laughed. You passed out on the ground.

"Let's go. Dean, Sam, she's not gonna wake up. Now go get in the car. Some people we just can't save." "Dad, I saw her kill herself in there! She's alive, I swear it, please, Dad!" "Dean, get your brother to the car. You shouldn't have let him drink that African Dream Root. This is your fault. Car, now." "Yes, sir." You moved your arm slowly towards the voice and someone yelled, "I told you she was alive, Dean! I knew it!" A sharp sound and a grunt of pain. "Sorry, Dad." You opened your eyes and sat up, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in your head. Three people were circled around you. One was the boy from the dream, the one you'd seen around. The other two you'd never seen. "Where am I? Who are you?" you asked quickly. "I'm John Winchester, these are my sons, Sam and Dean. Do you need to call someone? They're probably looking for you by now, sweetheart," said the older man. You shook your head. "I ain't got any family. I live on my own," you replied. Dean piped up, "She could come with us, Dad." John gave you a questioning look. "I don't want to drag her into this life, Dean." You stood up and fell to the ground with a groan. Sam put an arm around your waist to hold you up as you gave them all a hard look. "I think I am coming with you whether or not you want me. He'll find me; he always does," you said as you thanked Sam. Dean looked at John and then back to you. "Who's he? You said you didn't have any family," John asked. "I don't know who is or if he's even a he, but someone always makes sure I have money and a place to live. He really likes candy, if that helps any. Or at least I think he does. I'm always finding wrappers everywhere," you explained. "I'll ask Bobby later," he muttered as he motioned for Sam to help you to car. 

They took you back to their motel before John went to get some food for you and his family. Sam sat you on one of the beds and him and Dean sat on the bed next to you. "So... what's your name? How old are you? Just tell us your story," started Dean. You took a breath in and began. "My name is (y/n) (l/n), I'm seventeen, and my dad died before I was born. My mom raised me until I was thirteen, when she died. Ever since then, I've been on my own. Been renting out an apartment with what my mom left me, which wasn't much. She was a drug addict, but I loved her. So when that ran out, wads of cash just started appearing. Hundred dollar bills. The cabinets were always filled with candy and stuff. I've been going to school and working whatever job pays the most. Seems there's someone who keeps giving me really good recommendations. And I am so grateful for whoever they are. I haven't ever actually met them, but I feel like I know everything with them. Then that THING kidnapped me, y'all saved me, and here I am. Lying in a grungy bed with a dislocated leg and a headache the size of Europe." Dean got to his feet and moved to you, sitting down as he pulled the damaged leg onto his lap. "You might want to hold onto something, this will hurt a bit. On the count of three. One, two..." He pushed hard on your leg and you choked back a scream. A sickening pop, and the pain in your leg subsided bit by bit. "Thanks, Dean. I needed that. Do you, um, have any whiskey?" you asked. He handed you a small bottle out of the bedside table drawer. You gave him a nod and laid back, taking a swig of the burning drink to numb the dull pain left in your leg. "G'night, boys. Wake me up when John gets back with the food, 'kay?"


	2. Chapter 2

The Winchester's let you sleep through the night. You just seemed too peaceful apparently. So they left your burger on the table and retired for the night.

You woke up early in the morning before the others. Out of habit, you glanced over at the bedside table and smiled when you saw the yellow tulip resting gently. Beside it was a small piece of paper folded in two with your name on it. This was new. You sat up and groaned at the headache that was still there. You saw all three boys asleep, so you grabbed the flower and the note and went into the bathroom. 

(y/n), I'm not sure why you moved in with the Winchester's. They're not safe for you. I'm so sorry I wasn't there to keep you safe from the Djinn, some idiot was keeping me somewhere I couldn't get to you. But I'm watching now, promise. If you need me, just call. I'm here when you need me, even if you don't know me. Speaking of that, it needs to be fixed. To talk, just... imagine you're talking to me and say my name aloud. Don't say it around others, though. -Gabriel 

You tossed the paper down the toilet and flushed it. No one was going to see this, at least not the Winchester's. "Time to try this out," you mumbled to yourself. "Gabriel, this better work," you said aloud. You waited in the bathroom, waiting to hear something in the ringing silence. You heard a sound like the flapping of wings and you scrunched up your face in confusion. "Oh, it works, kitten. I'd make sure of that." You spun around to see a man sitting on the toilet. "What the hell!" you yelled. He shushed you urgently. "Can't have you waking up the morons. They find me, I'm done for," he explained. "You're Gabriel? The one who keeps bring me the things I need?" you asked. He nodded with a smirk. "The one and only." A knock at the door made you jump and let loose a little shriek. It was just Sam. "(y/n)? Are you okay? I heard you yell, and I just thought maybe you were..." "I'm fine, Sam. Just girl problems," you lied.

"Already learning. I'm so proud," Gabriel said, wiping away a fake tear. You slapped him playfully on the arm. "Look, I'm glad I finally met you and all, but you should probably go. I don't like lying to them; they did do me a favor in taking me in, and I like the boys. John seems like he's been though enough, I can't betray him and all that jazz," you explained. "Well, you know how to get me if you need me," he said. He planted a light kiss on your forehead and was gone. "Why did he kiss me," you wondered. You ran a brush through your hair quickly and opened the bathroom door. John was at the counter making coffee, Sam was tying his shoes, and Dean was still lying in bed. You laughed and pointed at Dean. John smiled a little at the sound of your laughter. "The boys are gonna stay behind and start teaching you some of the basics. That is, if you're serious about wanting in on this lifestyle," said John without turning around. "Yeah. I don't have much to live for anyways. And I want to help people where I can," you decided. He nodded and went back to the coffee maker. You went over to Dean's bed and jumped next to him, making the bed shake. Dean opened his eyes and stared at you with bleary eyes. He raised an eyebrow at you and flipped over. You giggled and out of the corner of your eyes, you saw Sam smile at your actions. 

Dean finally got up and John was preparing to leave. Sam pulled book after book out of the back of the Impala and lugged them into the hotel. Soon, there was a Leaning Tower of Books on the table. John told Dean he'd be back in a day or so and he was gone. You threw your hair up in a messy bun and turned to see the boys rummaging through the books at the table. "So what's first?" you inquired. "Vampire," said Dean followed by "Then vengeful spirits, demons, vampires, acheri, djinn, changelings, all the normal stuff. But we'll probably only get to vampires today. Angels and demons take a hile. They're harder to kill." You slumped down into a chair between the two of them and sighed. It seemed like you had a lot to learn. 

After almost eleven hours, you were beginning to get a little stir crazy. The boys weren't even phased yet. "How do you do this? Just sit and read for a whole day!" you wondered aloud in awe. "You get used to it after a while. Dad used to make me do it for days at a time. It might save your life one day," Dean said. He pushed up from the chair and opened the fridge. "Who ate the last slice of pie?" asked Dean. "I'm getting cabin fever. I'll go get you some more pie," you said. "I'll go with you. I mean, can I come?" asked Sam. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and you grinned. "You can come, Samster," you told him as you tied your shoes. You waved to Dean as you headed out the door. 

"How old are you actually, Sam? I mean, I know you look older, so..." you asked casually. "I just turned nineteen in May. And you're..." He left the statement floating. "Be eighteen in a month or so. October 24th," you filled in. You walked in comfortable silence for a while when Sam put his hand on his shoulder. "(y/n), I need to talk to you. And you can't tell Dean or Dad, okay?" You nodded and he continued. 

"I think I'm going to leave hunting behind and go to college."


	3. Chapter 3

"You're-- what?" you asked, shocked. You never would have known if he hadn't told you. "Dad and I are always fighting, (y/n). I don't think you understand how bad I want out! I want to get married, have kids, go to PTA meetings, just be boring Sam Winchester! I don't know what I'm gonna do, (y/n), I really don't. I know we just met and all, but I needed that off my chest and I don't know what it is about you, I just want to trust you," he said. You looked up at him and sighed. "Look, Sam, I know it's hard, but your dad needs you. Jesus, I don't know what Dean would do without you, the way you're the only one who can make him smile. He's better with you, so is your dad! I don't want to pull you away from that cherry pie--" "Apple pie." "Whatever. That good life, but I think you should think about it for a little while longer. I'll try to make it better and if it doesn't work, then you can leave for college. A few months, okay?" you suggested. He swayed silently for a moment before nodding. You let out a quiet sigh. "What do you want to go to college for, anyways?" you jested playfully. "I want to go to Stanford for Pre-Law, then maybe Harvard for regular Law," he said. "My dream was to have my own band. I can play bass guitar, the drums, the piano -lash-keyboard, and the acoustic guitar. Plus people have told me I can sing really well, so I think I want to do that. But now I'm a... whatever y'all are," you said with a smile tugging at your lips. "Let's talk about our perfect life," said Sam happily.

"So I broke her nose. No one pokes fun at my family," you said with a grin. Sam laughed heartily at this and he opened the door to the motel room. You had been talking the whole way there and back and it seemed to be over too soon. "Took you guys long enough," said Dean as he pushed off the bed to get his prized pie. He snatched the bag from your hand as you quickly explained, "I didn't know which kind you like, so I got them all. Sam told me not to get you any, so he was no help. Sorry if it's too much." He put them on the bed and you tossed him a plastic fork you stole from the fast food restaurant next door. "I think I love you," Dean said dreamily as he popped the lid off a lemon pie. Sam sat down with his salad at the table and you decided to go for a walk. You needed more time with Gabriel, anyways. "Hey, I'll be back soon. I need some me time," you said as you left the hotel room. 

You walked to the library and slid into a chair. "Gabriel..." you mumbled. A whoosh and he was sitting beside you. "I don't think I'll ever get used to that," you told him. He laughed and simply leaned back in his chair. "Tell me everything. I need to know your whole story. Your favorites, the things you hate, why you always bring me a tulip in the mornings, that kind of stuff. I must know ALL the things about you, Gabe. Can I call you Gabe?" "I'd love that. My favorite thing is candy. Favorite candy is anything sweet. Least favorite thing is stuck-up, arrogant pricks. And I always bring you a tulip specifically because it means perfect love, and I'm always seeing you as kind and loving to everyone. Plus I like the way look," he said. You spent most of the night talking about what you both loved the most. When the last librarian kicked you out, you had him take you home. "I'm glad you're looking out for me, Gabe. It makes me feel a little safer knowing something bigger cares. Good night, Gabriel," you said as you reached up to give him a quick hug. Just like last time, he pressed a quick kiss to your head. You opened the door and headed inside. John was back, mud-caked boots propped up on the table. "John, feet down!" you scolded. You clasped your hand over your mouth as soon as you said it. "Ohmigod, I'm so sorry, it just slipped out!" you apologized. He gave you a smile and waved it off. "It's fine. The boys and I have been needing a woman's influence around here, anyways." Dean and Sam stood open mouthed at the exchange between you two. "Sorry I was gone so long. I got caught up in a book I found at the library. Did you know about kitsunes? They're a little creepy," you said. You sat down in between the boys and took the remote from Dean's hand, channel surfing until you decided on an old black and white movie. Sam groaned and Dean feigned sleep. "It's a good movie! Besides, I'll be asleep before the beginning scene is over. I'm not too good at watching movies," you confessed. 

Your prediction was right. The movie had barely begun and you were teetering on the verge of sleep. Your head was on Sam's shoulder and you heard John turn off the TV. "Do you mind if you and Dean sleep on the other bed? I think she's asleep," Sam whispered. Dean moved off the bed to the other one, but it didn't sound like John had moved at all. "She looks just like Mary. Acts like her, too. It's gonna be better with her around, boys," John said softly. Sam drew a blanket around the both of you and you felt safe as when you were with Gabriel. "Good night, (y/n)," Sam murmured into your ear as sleep took you over.


	4. Chapter 4

As usual, you were the first one up. You loved watching the boys sleep, as creepy as that sounds. It was the only time they were ever relaxed and still. You wished they would take more time to appreciate the little things, but the world never stopped moving with the Winchester's. In all honesty, you hadn't expected it to, but you missed the serene stillness of the world when it had been just you. 

Once you untangled yourself from Sam's arms, you went to retrieve the tulip. Today was different, though. In its place, a single white lily stood. It seemed so out of place in the darkness of the room. You picked it up gently in your small hands and turned it over. You placed it lightly in the vase, right in the middle. It made a vast difference from the reds and yellows, oranges, purples, and pinks of the other tulips. "Where do you keep getting these flowers from? There's always one on the table beside your bed," said a voice behind you. You knocked over the vase in your surprise. "Jesus, Dean!" you shouted. John and Sam bolted upright in bed to see you standing in front of Dean with a scrunched up face with a broken vase at your feet. "The hell is going on?" asked John. "Dean made me break the vase! Now where am I going to put my flowers?" you blamed. John let his head fall. His chest started shaking and soon he was laughing loud and hard. Sam started laughing with him and then Dean. You couldn't help it and you let a laugh slip out. The laughter died down and you smiled at the sight. It was like John had almost forgotten how to laugh and it was coming back to him. "You remind me so much of Mary, it hurts," John said with a sigh. 

When everyone else was up, you went and stood by John. He was over in the corner of the kitchen, making crappy coffee. Honestly, it was a little humorous to see him messing with the tiny buttons with his massive hands. "Who's Mary?" you asked softly. He paused for a moment before whispering, "She was the love of my life. My wife and Sam and Dean's mother. She was killed years back. Demon." You put down the coffee cup in his hand and hugged him. He was stiff, like he hadn't given or received a hug in a long while. But after a moment, he softened and hugged you back. "I'm sorry about Mary. At least you've got the boys. They're two of the best men I've ever met," you said as you let go. He gave you a small smile and went back to his coffee. 

Sam came out of the shower with nothing but a towel around his waist, hair still dripping wet. You whistled and he struck a pose. You laughed and snuck a picture of him in his pose. He grabbed his clothes and went back in the bathroom. "Let me guess, Dean? You still in bed?" A groan from underneath the covers verified your question and you couldn't help but ant to torture him. Walking over to where the sound came from, you leaned over the lump and started poking him vigorously. "(y/n), sthap! No poking! Jesus, hands to yourself, woman!" he yelled from under the covers. You grinned and started packing up what little things you had on you when you left town.

Four and a half hours later, you were stuck in the Impala with the boys and a massive headache from all the ridiculous music John and Dean had been blasting. You rubbed your temple with one hand, digging in your backpack for your earbuds with the others. You pulled them out and sighed. They were, of course, tangled in every way possible. Sam reached over you to take them out of your hands. "May I?" he asked with a a gesture to them. "Knock yourself out, Samster," you replied, leaning back against the window. Within a minute, he handed them back to you untangled. You took them with wide eyes. "Impressive. Much impressive," you said with a grin. "When you're in the car for ten plus hours a day every day, you get bored really quick," he explained. You pulled out your phone and hooked the earbuds up before selecting the latest song you'd downloaded. It was a choral album titled Te Deum. You laid back and let the soft music fill every corner of you. Sam pulled your legs into his lap and smiled at you. Getting comfortable, you closed your eyes.

Something brushed against your bare thigh, causing you to open on eye just enough to see Sam tucking his huge flannel around your shoulders. The thing against your thigh had been his massive hand. You smiled at the warmth of his hand and nestled down a little deeper into the shirt that smelled like Sam. Like old, dusty books and gunpowder and all things that made Sam... well, Sam. It smelled like a home you'd never had. But you missed a smell that always seemed around. Candy. "Hey, Sam, you got any candy?" you asked him. He looked at you strangely, but pulled a Jolly Rancher out of his pocket. Thanking him, you unwrapped it and sniffed it. "Did you just smell a Jolly Rancher?" asked Dean from the front seat. You blushed and nodded. "The place I was living at on my own always smelled like candy, sometimes chocolate or something fruity. I kinda connect the two things," you confessed. John sighed in the front seat and turned up the radio. A familiar tune reached your ear and you sat up, pulling your legs from Sam's lap. "'Hey Jude'. My favorite Beatles song. Can you roll up my window so I can hear it better?" you asked. At this, John slammed on the breaks, throwing everyone else forwards. The car was silent except for the music. "Can you sing it?" John asked after a moment. The request was so quiet, you barely heard it. Tilting your head, you did as he asked. 

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better, you began, singing softly. It was high and lilting, just like it always was and you sang an octave above the lead singer. You saw Dean reach for the volume know, turning it down slowly. You sang just as loud, not letting them pressure you into shutting up. Sam's eyes were closed and John was making work in pulling of to the side of the road. Dean's eyes met yours through the rearview mirror and something in him was breaking. You kept singing, all the way to the end of the song. All of the boys eyes were closed gently and their breathing was even. You waved a hand in front of each of their faces. Only John was awake, but something was different. It was almost like his all had come crashing down. "Just like how Mary sang it. You're so like her, (y/n)," he said in a small voice, starting the car again. The boys were jolted awake and Dean swirled around to stare at you. "Jesus, boys, I just sang a song. It's not the end of the world," you joked. Sam took a book out of his bag and began to read while Dean stared out the window. There was no doubt there was something strange going on with them, but you dared not say anything. The rest of the car ride was silent and filled with tension thick enough, a diamond couldn't have cut it.


	5. Chapter 5

You finally got to where going. It was literally a junkyard. Old, rusting cars littered everywhere leading to a rustic cabin hat fit right in. "Where in God's name are we?" you asked as you got out and hauled your backpack over your shoulder. "An old friend of Dad's. Bobby Singer. This is where we stay on the rare occasion between hunts and where me and Sam stay when Dad wants a solo hunt. You'll like him," Dean explained as he popped the trunk. John was already making a beeline for the cabin, so you assumed to follow him. The boys were busy with the bags, so you ran up to catch up with him. You lost sight of him behind a car, but ran to him. Well, where he was. He wasn't there anymore and now you were lost in a maze of tetanus.

"Jesus Christ. I'm gonna be stuck here forever," you muttered as you went to fish your phone out of your bag. A thought hit you and you smirked, dropping the bag next to you. "Gabey? Little help?" you said aloud. A brush of air moved a lock of (h/c) past your shoulder and you turned to see the man leaning against a car with a lollipop in his mouth. "Miss me, toots? Just can't keep your mind off me, I see," he said with a boyish grin. You raised an eyebrow and walked over to him. "Hey, it's not every day a girl finds out she's got a guardian angel! Kill me off over it already, why don't you?" you retorted. He snapped his fingers and sat down on a chair that hadn't been there a second ago. "Come sit, darling, tell me your problems," he said in a girly voice, patting the space behind him. You rolled your eyes and sat down. "The boys are gonna come looking for me eventually," you stated. He sniggered and said, "They won't find us if I don't want them to." 

You didn't stay long with him. You knew the boys would lose their minds if they thought you were missing. But it was the best time you'd had in a while. You didn't even have to do anything, just sitting and talking with the sarcastic angel was fun enough. It helped a lot that he wasn't bad on the eyes, either. Actually, he was one of the more attractive men you'd ever met. Not as ruggedly good looking as the Winchesters, but amazing nontheless. Truthfully, you were falling for him faster than you should have. Something in the way he smiled and his eyes lit up when you laughed at one of his snarky comments said he was, too. But he was something bigger than anything and you knew it to be impossible. "Gabe, I really should be getting back. The boys are probably going tearing the place apart looking for me. It's been like, two hours. Can we do this again later? I had a lot of fun," you said. He nodded and snapped his fingers. "'Till next time, sweet cheeks," he said with a wink. He snapped his fingers and you were standing with your bag in one hand and a red flower petal in the other. 

You heard the boys yelling for you. This time there was another voice in, still a man's, and you assumed it was Bobby. Someone came hurtling around the side of a stack of cars and pointed a rifle at you. He was an older looking guy with a scruffy face and a rough looking face. A trucker hat covered his hair, but he looked like a dad. He stared at you in awe, his mouth hung open. "You (y/n)?" he asked. "Yeah. Bobby Singer?" you said, sticking out a hand with caution. He dropped the gun and shook your hand. John! Found her!" he yelled. A moment later, Dean came hurtling around the corner with a look of despair. He set his eyes on you and sighed. "What the hell, (y/n)? Where were you? You just disappeared!" he scolded. You looked at him through your lashes and said a small sorry. "I must've hit my head on something and gotten knocked out. It's a miracle I didn't get stabbed on the way down, with all this tetanus laidened crap! Do you even have a licence for this?" you reprimanded. Sam and John came around and an audible sigh was heard. "Inside, all three of you, NOW!" John yelled. You were surprised at his sudden change of actions but did as he said. This time, you kept a hand balled up in the back of Sam's flannel.

You got to where the cabin was and sat on the couch that was easy access. An awkward silence fell. "Is he mad at me?" you whispered. "No, he's mad at me for losing you. I'm the eldest and the responsible He'll just yell me later on tonight when you're asleep for not watching you," Dean said in a soft voice. Your eyes widened at his words and you got up. "Then I'm sleeping wherever you sleep tonight. It's my fault, I choose to stay. I'm not letting you get punished for something that's not your fault, ever. Especially not over something this stupid. Y'all've been good to me, and it's time I start paying back my debt," you said, crossing your arms. He opened his mouth to protest but you shut him up by shooting him a glare. "Don't even think about blaming yourself for something you didn't do or have part in. This is my problem, and I'm going to fix it." He opened his mouth again, but this time, his brother interrupted him. "Dean, give it up, man. She's not gonna let you win on this. I know that look, and she's gonna win whether or not you like it," he said with a chuckle. He hated seeing Dean like this, but your motherly instincts were kinda funny to him. The front door opened and Bobby and John came in. "(y/n), I need a minute with my boys," said John with a stern look on his face. "Me first. Can y'all excuse us?" you said without breaking eye contact with John. He protested as the others flowed out, even Bobby.

"You are my guest and I will not tolerate this, you hear me? You are not someone who can try to boss me around, got it? You're a child, barely big enough to hold a gun, weak and unknowing of the world around you, so don't you dare try to tell me how to live my life," he growled as soon as they were gone. His words stung, but you weren't having a breakdown because he was trying to hurt you. 

"I am everything you said and more. Those words were the best I could have hoped for, but I'm not going to take your shit, either. So you listen to me, John Winchester, and you listen good. I know you were about to reprimand the boys for not watching me, and I know that they, Dean especially, are broken by your words. I might be a child, but so are they. Your children, to make matters worse. You can't see it, but they strive for your acceptance, and you shove Dean aside like a soldier when he just wants his Daddy's praise. It's my fault I got lost, not theirs. Not everything is their responsibility, not everything is their fault, and sometimes, it's not their problem. So yeah, I'm a child, but you'd best take my advice when I say that you need to ease up on them. You've lost the love of your life, but they lost their mother, the only constant women in their whole life, which was caused by her, I might add. You've lost, they've lost. You had a good childhood, right? They didn't. They never got to be kids, ever. No Saturday morning cartoons, no PB and J's made with love every day, no hugs and kisses, and certainly no happy ending at the end of the bedtime story. I think they deserve a break from your egotistical, malevolent, basically abusive fatherhood for a while. Just be happy as you can be, and if you can't, fake it. God knows that's what everyone else does," you finished, storming off. He was left speechless.


	6. Chapter 6

You flung the door open and sat down in a kitchen chair. The others were staring at you with an open mouth, even Bobby. You swiped Dean's beer and sipped it, giving them a snarky look. Putting it down, you said, "Can I help you, or do you just oogle anyways?" None of them said anything. Finally, Bobby started to clap slowly. The brothers joined in and you laughed. "I have never seen anyone stand up to him besides me. Especially not someone your age. You've got guts, kid," Bobby said. You smirked and shushed them. John came through the door and sat down cross from you. "I'm starving. What's to eat, Bobby?" you asked casually. Sam reached behind him and put a box of half eaten pizza in front of you. "You're welcome, America," he said dryly. You snorted and took a bite. "I'm going to bed here soon. 

"Which bedroom am I supposed to be sleeping in?" you asked with a mouth full of pizza. "Any one of them but the one upstairs in the back. The boys'll move for you," said Bobby. You swallowed and said, "No way. I'm not kicking them out. They're bigger than I am and don't need back pain added to their list of problems. Either I'll sleep on the couch or I don't mind sharing with someone. Who takes the biggest bed out of the boys?" you said. He shrugged and you turned to them. "Usually Dean since he's the oldest, but we switch now and then. Doesn't matter. But I flail and might shove you off the bed, so you might want to go with him," said Sam. Raising a questioning eyebrow towards Dean, he winked. "I'll never mind, sweetheart," he said flirtatiously. You rolled your eyes and got up. "Good night, guys. I'll see you in bed, handsome," you said jokingly. Dean slapped you on the side of your thigh as you walked by and Sam made a gagging noise. You heard the older men snigger, but you didn't care.

The bed was still kinda small, but you weren't surprised. Bobby didn't seem like the luxury kind of guy. Dropping the bag on the bed, you sifted through it for an oversized shirt that belonged to your dad and some short shorts that you always wore to bed. Pushing the rest of your stuff to the floor after you grabbed a book, you made yourself comfortable on the bed. It was a little stiff but better than the motel one. You slipped under the covers and opened your book. Old fashioned literature always made you tired, so you had only brought along your complete edition of Sherlock Holmes. You'd been meaning to watch the BBC edition, too. About a quarter way through A Study in Scarlet, Dean came into the bedroom. You were too into it to notice his entry until he slid into the bed next to you. You gave him a noticed grunt and didn't say anything. "Scoot over, hog, before I lay on top of you," he complained. "You wanna hear what I'd do to you if you did?" you said blankly. He made an approving noise and you finally put the book down, your finger keeping your place. You turned to him and said, "I'd sharpen fifty pencils, put a rubber band around said pencils, cram it lead facing down your throat, then punch the erasers." without cracking a smile. His eyes widened and then he let lose a deep laugh. "Okay, I won't touch you," he promised. You smiled a devious smile and then went back to your book. After a while, Dean's breathing became rhythmic and you put down the book. Turning off the light, you snuggled deeper into the covers and fell asleep.

Your eyes flew open and you felt the warm body pressed close to yours. It wasn't Dean because this person had a shirt on and he hadn't when he'd crawled into bed. The bed was softer than anything you'd ever felt, softer than a cloud. It was dark, but a faint glow showed you a face you knew. "Gabriel..." you whispered. "Hmm?" he replied. You gave an exasperated sigh and rolled over to try to get away, but something was caging you in. It was like a wall of the same material as the bed, and it was giving off a little glow. You raised a hand to it and stroked it gently. Looking back to him, it looked like they connected to Gabriel's back. Realization struck you. "Your wings. Jesus, Gabe, let me out. I want to see them better," you said, pressing on them lightly. He lifted one and you rolled out under the gap. You were shocked to see that there were six of them and the smallest one was bigger than he was. They were golden, matching his hair, and the tips were darker, more like his eyes.You reached out and ran a hand through the feathers. His face was pulled up into a smirk with a faltering stare. You tugged gently on one of them to see what he'd do. What he did was he dropped his head and groaned softly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you," you said, pulling your hand away quickly. He reached out and grabbed your hand, pushing it back to his wing again. "Keep going, cupcake," he begged. It wasn't a demand, you knew you didn't have to, but you liked his reaction. 

Twisting your hand back in his wings and you pulled gently. This was better than you'd expecting. If you weren't sure you were falling for him before, this really sealed the deal. Something told you it wasn't right, that he'd live forever and leave you looking like an extreme cougar, but you just didn't care. You took another step closer to him and reached one hand behind him to feel the feathers at the base of his wings. They were softer than the others and apparently more sensitive. His hands balled in the sheets and the wings started to glow a little brighter. You kept one hand on the more sensitive feathers and reached up to get the higher ones. His seemed to know your intentions and made them drop to your height. The tips were perfect lines and almost sharp. You could see how they could be dangerous when moved fast enough. Brushing your fingers against the ends, he stood up to his full height and took a step closer to you. Your chests were brushing now. One of his fingers moved your chin to draw your attention away from the wings and to his face. "You're mine to keep safe, and Dad knows this is so wrong, but I'm falling for you. Say you are, too, please," he said in a small voice. In reply, you put a hand around the back of his neck and pulled him down to you. 

Your lips hit his in a flurry of movements, and he responded immediately. One of his hands looped your legs around his hips and another one picked you up by the back of your thigh. His kisses were sloppy and desperate, the want and need behind them showing. You let your hands flow back into his wings. A delicate finger traced around his small feathers, causing his hips to buck upwards on instinct. "Father, (y/n), say you're mine," he gasped between kisses. You nodded furiously, too far gone for words. "Yours, yours, Gabriel," you breathed at last. He kissed down your neck, finding your sweet spot with ease. You knew there'd be a mark there tomorrow, you just didn't care. He fell back against the bed and brought you down on top of him, kissing you softer now. Each one sent a jolt through you. "I'm still mad at you for getting me without my permission," you mumbled against his lips. He gave you one last long, sweet kiss before dropping you to his side. "I'll never apologize. "'Cause I don't mess up," he replied. You laughed and laid your head on his chest. "Good night, Gabey."


	7. Chapter 7

You didn't need to open your eyes to know you were back at Bobby's place. All you needed to know that? The fact that it felt like an elephant who'd just ate a ton of bricks was lying on top of you. You groaned and pushed on Dean which, of course, had no affect on him. "Dean, get off," you gasped. He was literally crushing you. He grunted and rolled farther onto you. At this point, you were fully awake and ready to kill a Winchester. You spread your fingers as wide as you could and slapped him on his bare back. His head snapped up and he growled at you. "Did... did you just growl at me, Dean?" you said as he got off you. "Yes, because that hurt! Not a fun way to get woken up, you know," he grumbled, getting out of the bed. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and you clapped a hand over your mouth to stifle the laughter. "Is there a mark?" he asked, rubbing the back of his neck. "I have never seen a five-star turn out so well," you said. You couldn't keep the laughter in and you let it out. He reached for a shirt, but you stopped him. "Wait, wait, go downstairs and let the others see my art. Please," you begged. He groaned and dropped it. "You owe me, woman," he said.

You took his arm and hauled him down the stairs, praying the others would be there. You burst into the kitchen and they all sat there. Sam gave you a raised eyebrow and you said, "I've never been so proud of myself." This caught the attention of John and Bobby, who turned to see what you'd done. Dean sighed and you turned him around slowly. "This stings like a mother," he complained. John scoffed and said, "What did you do, boy?" "He was crushing me in my sleep. Then he wouldn't move when I told him to, so I gave him a fantastic five-star," you explained. "You gotta teach me how to do that," breathed Sam. You noticed the stack of bacon by the oven with a box of pancake mix. "Were you just gonna take it out and then not make them?" you asked with an edge of sarcasm. "I always burn them and the boys suck at cooking," Bobby said, taking a swig of his drink. "They're pancakes. How... Nevermind, I'll make them," you said.

It didn't take long for them to cook. But it might have been that you loved listening to the boys argue over Chuck Norris or Jet Li and humming made everything go it. You slapped them on a plate and doused your in syrup you'd found in the cabinet. Dean reached over his dad to grab one and took a bit of a plain one. "O ma gaw," he sighed with a mouth full. You smiled at his reaction and Sam reached for one, too. The rest of them were gone within ten minutes and you'd only had one. "She is now the designated cooker. God, it's good to have a woman around again," said John with a smile tugging at his lips. "Gladly," you said.

A choking sound came from Sam and you gave him a confused look. "I didn't know you and Dean were actually going to sleep together, (y/n)," he said after he swallowed. He made a small gesture to the hickey on your neck. Everyone froze and all eyes were on you. Your hand flew to your neck and you remembered the night before with Gabriel. "No, no, no, Dean didn't-- this isn't--- I didn't-- Oh, God," you said, putting your head in your hands. Dean was calm and collected, much to your surprise. "As much I wish I had, I didn't do that," he said with a smirk on his face. "What, did it just randomly show up last night? None of us care if you two are... getting it on, just admit it," said Bobby. "Christ Almighty, it wasn't Dean! It was--" You clapped a hand over your mouth and blushed a deeper shade of red. "Who?" asked John. You didn't answer, preferring to run away to the bedroom where your stuff was to get the things for a shower. 

You stripped and stepped under the stream of steaming water. You let the water wash away the stress you'd been feeling since joining the boys and went over your options. Either tell them all about Gabriel and screw everything up between you two (SO not an option) or beg Dean to play along and not ask questions, which he would want to know. Honestly, it was more than your mind could handle at the time. You sighed and sat down. You had been halfway through your hair, so of course the soap dribbled down into your eyes. "MOTHERF-- JESUS---GABRIEL!!!" you yelled carelessly. As soon as the words were out of your mouth, you regretted it. A knocking at the door came in and the door was opened. "(y/n), are you okay? What happened? Who's Gabriel? Get out of the shower; we need to talk," said Dean in a hurry. You face palmed yourself and rinsed out the shampoo as well as you could. Drying off in a hurry, you threw on clothes and trudged down to the kitchen.

This time, it was just John and Dean. "Sit," said John. You did. "Okay, who's Gabriel. You've been acting sketchy, disappearing, random marks just showing up on you, and don't think we don't know about the strange symbols going down your spine," said John, lightning in his eyes. Your eyes widened at the last part and you shook your head. "I don't have anything on my back," you said slowly. He handed you a mirror, apparently prepared for that response. You lifted the back of your shirt and sure enough, GNONP OI IN was written along your spine. "What is this?" you murmured under your breath. "Answers, now. You can't stay if you're going to keep secrets, (y/n)," said John sternly. Dean gave his dad a shocked look and opened his mouth to say something when an almost silent flapping of wings came from somewhere within the house. "What was that?" asked John. "Goddammit, Gabe! I'm fine!" you yelled. "Dean, keep her in that chair and don't let her move," ordered John. Dean took off his belt and tied your hands behind your back and to the chair. "Dean, you've got to let me out. This is way out of y'all's league, trust me on this. You can't kill them and they can kill you all with a snap of a finger, so please, let me handle this," you begged as he tightened the belt. "I'm sorry, (y/n), but Dad's right," he said as he went to follow his father. 

You heard a commotion and something getting knocked over. Grunts and occasional groans came from the other side of the wall. It was obvious they were losing. The back door opened and Sam came in. "Sammy, quick, untie me. Something's in there with them and it's going to kill them then come kill me, please, untie me," you pleaded quietly. He hurried to you and undid the belt. You hated lying to him; he was your favorite Winchester. More sweet and innocent. But something had to be done. You ran into the other room to see Dean knocked unconscious in a corner and John being choked by a man with disheveled black hair. He wore a tan trench coat and very obviously wasn't Gabriel. "Sam, stay back, it can't be killed without the proper tools," you said. John caught eye of you and motioned to a knife. You shook your head and thought quickly. Something to get Gabriel down here quickly and kill this thing. It hit you like a ton of bricks and you acted.

You threw yourself in between the person and John and smashed your lips against the man's. He didn't react, just stood there in a confused manner. Another flapping of wings and you shoved the man away. Gabriel stood, fuming, in the corner and took large strides towards the man. "I told you to go get her, not make out with my human," he growled as he went to snap his fingers. You jumped on top of him. "No, no, no, no, don't. I had to get you down here somehow and I panicked and thought you might get jealous. It worked. I don't want him, I want you. Oh, yeah. Um, Winchester's, Gabriel, Gabriel, Winchester's," you said nervously, picking yourself up. Dean was still unconscious, John was gasping for breath, and Sam looked more confused than ever.

"Goddammit, Gabriel, talk about timing."


	8. Chapter 8

"You wanna tell me something, (y/n)? No, don't even bother. Go help Dean, I'll deal with Dad," Sam said. You wanted to explain, but the words just wouldn't comply. You certainly didn't want to mess up what you had with Sam, so you just went and did as he asked. Moving silently to the crumpled mess on the floor that was Dean, you pulled his head into your lap. "Dean, wake up, you moron. I told you this would happen, but you didn't listen. What am I going to have to do to make this up to you?" you mumbled. You pushed a strand of hair away from his face, but that made the rest of your hair fall into a curtain around you both. "Dean..." you breathed quietly. Closing your eyes, you rested your forehead on his and sighed softly. "Freaking Winchesters," you said. Dean coughed beneath you and you bolted upright. His eyes fluttered open and his green eyes searched your face. "Are we dead?" he said hoarsely. You let out the breath you'd been holding and helped him sit up. "No, you're not dead. Neither of us are. I told you idiots not to do something, you did it, and you almost died. Go figure," you said, dragging him to the wall. You propped him up and went to get a rag for his head.

Standing at the edge of the sink, you wrung out as much of the water as you could and filled up a small cup that you'd washed out of the sink. When you came back, John was up and leaning on the wall. "Absolutely not. Sam, take him to the living room and lay him out on the couch; I'll bring Dean in there in a minute. John, don't you dare move. I specifically told you not to mess with this, and what else did you do but go in there, guns blazing, and you and your eldest son almost died because of it. I hope you're happy with yourself," you raged, kneeling in front of Dean. He had a smirk on his face and he choked out a weak laugh. "I love it when you take control," he said. "Cram it, Dean," you said. You handed him the glass of water and dabbed the small cut at the corner of his head. He drank it and set it down beside him. You stood and extended a hand town to him. Grabbing it, he slowly rose up on his feet to lean heavily on your back and drape over your shoulder. 

It took a while, but you brought him to the living room. You saw John standing in the kitchen beside Sam, who was arguing quietly with him. Feeling the anger bubble up in you, you helped Dean to the couch and he flopped on his back. You stormed over to John and cleared your throat. He turned around and a crack rang through the room. You'd slapped him. His eyes were wide and ablaze with fury. As he opened his mouth to speak, you slapped him again. "Sam, Dean. Now," you whispered dangerously low. You shot him a glare and he left. "Do you find it impossible to take someone's word as gospel? I told you that you couldn't handle them, but noooo, Mr. Winchester had to go and take it as his problem. I could've prevented all this and it had just been a talk with him, I could've told you about them, and then we're good! Are you always this way?" you shouted. You felt the boys' eyes on your back, but you didn't care. "Taking others safety first? Yes! If anything, this is your fault for keeping your little secret! If you hand't been so high-and-mighty about your 'friends', then both me and my son would be fine right now! So if you want to stay, I suggest you break off all contact with those monsters," he shouted back. "Then I'm gone. Thanks for the break from reality. I hope you Winchester's keep safe. I love those boys, y'know," you said, turning to leave. You slung the door open and then boys stood there, mouth agape. 

"You're not going anywhere," said Sam. Dean was looking down at the ground. "This is my fault for not listening to you," he mumbled. "Don't you dare blame this on yourself. You were following John's orders like a son should. This is not your fault, Dean, promise," you said. You wound your arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. He held you tight against his chest and laid a chaste kiss on the top of your head. "Don't leave, (y/n)," he said. You didn' respond, only pulled away and went to hug Sam, too. He was taller, so you settled on putting your arms around his waist. He didn't hug back. "I don't know why you're hugging me. You're not leaving," he said with a forced smile. "John doesn't want me here, so yeah, I am, Sammy," you said. All of a sudden, he picked you up and held you close. "Nope," he stated. You smiled and put your hand on his cheek. Kissing his forehead, you wriggled free and went to the room you and Dean had shared. 

It wasn't easy to pack up from the only family-like place you'd known in years, but you had to. Everything was back in the bag like it was supposed to be except for one of the four books you'd brought and a notebook from your father. You sat on the bed and wrote something down in a flurry, stuck it in the book so the top was peering out, and crammed it under the blankets on Dean's side of the bed. You smiled and picked up the bag when something caught the corner of your eyes. It was Gabriel. "At least let me leave the house first, Gabe. I can't just disappear," you said flatly. "Give me a piece of paper, too. I need to write something to the moose," he said, holding out his hand. "Nothing stupid, moron. I'm reading it first,"you said, finally handing him what he wanted. He scribbled something down and put it in the book with the other one. Checking to see that no one saw you leave, you silently slipped away and walked for a few miles before sitting and crying over what you'd lost.

Back at the house, John called your name. When you didn't respond, Sam came and they had a bigger fight than they'd ever had. Sam would've walked out right then had Dean not intervened with two small pieces of paper and a hardback cover of The Magician's Elephant in hand. He tossed the book to John and read the two notes. When he was done with them, he let them drop and walked away quietly.

It's not any of your faults, just mine. I should've told you guys. Love you guys. Please stay safe. And don't be so hard on yourself. Sam, it's still your decision, and your consideration time can be over now if you want. Remember me, Winchester's. -(y/n)

Stay away from Jessica Moore in college, the demon's name is Azael, and the Colt is real. You are idiots for letting her go so easily. -G


	9. Chapter 9

God, it was so hard being away from them. You had barely been around them for two months, but you missed them crazy. It might have been that you didn't let anyone close after your mom died, but even Gabriel's kisses and crazy antics couldn't distract you. Books, music, movies, nothing interested you like they did, and every time they tried to call you, it took every ounce of self control not to hurl your phone across the room. Gabriel knew something was wrong, but he never guessed that you missed them that much until one day you confronted him about it.

"Gabe, why are they dangerous? And if they're dangerous, won't others try and hurt them? That one angel, he... he tried to kill them and probably would've succeed. They're practically family. Please. I need to know," you begged one afternoon. He stared at you for the longest time. "Dean and Sam, they've been talked about for centuries. They are vessels for my brothers, Really, they're being dicks, but that's most archangel's for you," he said. He rose from the chair, took you in his arms and snapped his fingers. Your favorite song came trickling from nowhere and he danced with you like a puppet master and his doll. You forced a smile for him, closing your eyes. Your phone rang and at last, you gave in.

Clicking the button, you were met with silence before Dean haltingly said, "(Y)-(Y/n)?" You let out a broken laugh and he audibly sighed on the other end. "I have missed your voice, kiddo. Listen, I'm sorry about Dad, he's torn up about it. You should have seen him and Sam going at it," he said. His voice almost cracked at the mention of Sam and your heart dropped into your stomach. "Where's Sam, Dean?" you asked quietly. "He left." You knew what he was going to say, but it still hit you like a ton of bricks. "Stanford. Are you still at Bobby's?" you asked. "He wouldn't let Dad leave until he was sober for three days. Hasn't even made it one since you left," he answered. His voice was strained and the image of him standing alone in a room broke your heart more than it should have. "I-I'm coming, Dean. Don't tell John. But I'm coming as soon as I can, okay? Read that book I left, it's good," you suggested, ending the call in a flurry. 

Gabriel had backed off. A lollipop was in his hand and the look he gave you made you cast your eyes to the ground. "You can't go. It's not safe for them or you or any of my siblings," he said, crossing his arms. Your mouth dropped open a bit and you said, "And you're going to keep me from them? Gabe, they're practically family! It's obvious Dean's not well, neither is John, Sam's gone, so I'm going whether or not you let me." He rolled his eyes. "I'm your guardian, (Y/n). You really think you can defy me when I don't want you to?" The light fell out of your eyes and you looked down. "Gabriel, this can either go really well or really horribly. Let. Me. Go," you gritted out. He was never like this with you. "(Y/n), it's not safe! Those stooges could get you killed or taken somewhere I can't get you! You're NOT GOING!" he roared. The glass in the mirror cracked and you stared at him. "Watch me," you spat. His eyes were ablaze with fury, but you didn't care. "You walk out that door, this is the last you'll see of me," he threatened. "At least the Winchester's respect my loyalty to those who need me," you yelled as you slammed the door behind you.

You walked for miles until the sun went down. It was dark and the quickest way to Bobby's house, but you hated it. Everything was too quiet without the sounds of the country and the light to keep you awake. It went on like this for days, scraping up as much money as you could doing random jobs to finally reach a few miles off of Bobby's place. You navigated the rust maze easier this time, making it to the door in just under five minutes. You took a deep breath in and opened the door.

John was sprawled on one of the couches unconscious and Bobby was at the table, reading a thick book. "(Y/n)?" he asked when he saw you. You nodded and he rose up to meet you. "Why are you here? And is that thing here?" he asked warily. "Gabriel? No, him ad I, we... I'd rather not talk about it," you said. A pair of hands spun you around and pulled you into a firm chest. You gasped at the initial shock, then eased into it when you recognized the familiar scent of Dean. "I'm glad he let you come. He isn't here, is he?" he murmured into your neck. "No. And he didn't let me do anything. I walked out on him to get here. But I need some stuff. Bobby, can you help me with finding the stuff?" you asked after Dean let go. You pulled a crumple piece of paper out of your back pocket and Bobby took it. Scanning over it, he grunted and lead you to the kitchen where he pulled out every item on the list and handed them to you along with a bowl. 

"Powerful sigils. They'll ward everyone of the angels away, basically taking us off the map. I stole one of Gabriel's angel blades, but it's only when there's no alternative. They're still angels," you explained when Dean gave you a strange look. His eyes went wide and he spluttered out, "A-Angels? No way." You smirked and continued. "Oh, trust me, they're real. That's what you and John fought. His name was Castiel and he is sweeter than anyone of them. More human and caring. You'd love him if you gave him a chance, Dean." Painting symbols on the walls, Dean followed your hand for every precise movement. The gears were turning in his head and you laughed. "I'll teach you when I'm done. They're not as hard as you think, this is just to keep out even the archangels, the best and strongest angels." 

It was the first time in a long time that you'd been able to smile for real.


	10. Chapter 10

Gabriel had tried everything. After a few days to cool off, he realized you loved them as much as you loved-- had loved-- him. He sought you over angel radio, looked for you himself, texted you, even looked for the Winchester's himself. It was like you were trying to keep yourself isolated from him. He missed you. Not all the candy and imaginary girls in the world could keep his mind off of you and all the things he loved. He wanted you back, but he had to find you first...

"Add a line here, a little circle here, aaaand... Yeah, that's it! You got the hang of it now. I need to draw one on you that only I will know until I have to leave again, which won't be for a while. Arm?" Dean extended one arm to you. You took it in your hand, turned it over in your hand and began to draw with the small brush you'd made of grass, tape, and a stick. Rather rudimentary, but it worked well enough. He chuckled at the look of concentration on your eyes. "You're just too cute when you scrunch your nose," he said softly. "You, too, Gabey," you replied automatically. You didn't even recognize your mistake until Dean tensed under you. "Oh, God, sorry, I just-- I'm used to-- Let's forget this, shall we? I'm still getting him out of my system," you said nervously. He shrugged it off, but you knew he was hurt. Finishing up quickly, you turned the brush to your thigh and began the piece all over again.

"Hey, (Y/n), can you do one on a sleeping person? John ain't wakin' up anytime soon," said Bobby. You grunted and he left you to your business. You finished quicker than with Dean and began on the unconscious form of John. Halfway through, he sat straight up and almost punched you in the face. "Damnit, John!" you shouted. He blinked at you for a moment before he stood up and enveloped you in a hug. "Zi missed doo, (Y/n)," he slurred. You groaned internally and called for Dean and Bobby. "Hold his leg still. He moves, we're done for and it'll be a beacon for all of them," you instructed. He fought, but you got done as fast as possible. "John, touch it and I'll kill you," you threatened. He snorted and said, "Mary, you always took such" -hiccup- "such good care of me. I love you, baby," Hiccup. You rolled our eyes and exited the room.

Dean was sitting on the couch, bringing the phone up to his ear. His face fell and you knew what he was doing. "Sam, please, just pick up you--" You grabbed the phone from his large hand and put it up to your ear. "Sammy, it's (Y/n). I know you listen to these when no one's looking. I made a mistake in leaving. I'm not saying come back, it's your life and I get where you're coming from, but I swear, I'll find you and drag your sorry ass back here to stay if you ignore your family. Family is all we have in the end, Sam Winchester." With that, you snapped the phone shut and handed it back to Dean. "You didn't have to do that." You smirked. "Yeah, I did." He cleared his throat and you sat beside him. "Tell me a story. Just something that you like to talk about. Talk to me, Dean," you prompted. So he did. Stories about hunts, late nights with Sam, favorite memories. It wasn't something Dean would've initiated, but you loved getting to know the eldest Winchester's younger, more innocent side.

You spent hours like that. Just talking. Bobby came in and brought you take-out and occasionally, John would stumble through, but you were in your own world. The way his green eyes lit up alone made it all worth it. Usually, you'd be curled up against Gabriel, playing with his wings the way he liked it. The thought sent a pang though you, but you pushed it away. "You need to stop thinking about him if you do not want him to find you," said a gravelly voice and you screamed. Dean stood up and pushed you behind him. "You son of a bitch, get out of here before I find a way to kill you," growled Dean. There were noises, making it clear the others knew about the disturbance. You slipped quietly away. You sprinted to the front door where you'd left your bag. Pulling out the blade, you ran back to Dean. He tried to take it from you, but you pulled it out of his reach. "John. Not dry. Gabriel sent you didn't he, Castiel?" you said in a voice that dripped with acid. "Yes, he did. He wishes you to come back, but he does not want to face you. Put down the angel blade," he said. "No one tells my family what to do," said a voice and a shot went out. Castiel's coat was torn, but no harm done. John was standing with his jaw open. "You utter idiot, I told you only this would work!" you sighed. 

You twisted the blade so the sharp tip was baring into your forearm. "I'm choosing to trust you, Castiel. Don't make me regret it," you warned, slowly moving to you. Dean reached out to grab your arm, but you brushed his arm away. You put your hand out, then thought the better of it. "If I agree to speak with him, he will agree to let me come back to them. I can't choose between the both of them and I'll just leave this whole life, even if it gets me killed, if I have to. Deal, Cas?" you said, testing out the name. His face scrunched up, like he was scanning the room with his mind. "He had agreed." "(Y/n), no,"whispered Dean. He reached out and let his fingers brush your arm again. "I'm coming back for sure this time. Leaving my stuff behind for insurance. Redo the thing on John, the incompetent bastard," you joked. Castiel reached out for you and felt a tugging feeling in the pit of your stomach. 

"(Y/n)!"


	11. Chapter 11

"Gabriel," you said quietly, casting your eyes to the ground. "I've looked everywhere for you!" he said. He moved towards you, but you looked up at him and he stopped. "You told me to stay gone. I was trying. I was trying to do what you told me to do, Gabriel. I thought you wanted me gone, like you said. Don't come closer to me. And don't look at me like I've changed. I've always wanted to please people, you more than most. And I was trying. Gabriel, tell me what I was to do!" you said softly. The last sentence was louder and angrier than you had anticipated, but you didn't care. "I was angry, that's all, kitten," he said, taking another step closer. "Over WHAT? You won't tell me anything other than vague descriptions and then you refuse to let me see the people who I love just as much as you! How am I supposed to trust you when all you give me is scarps to trust you on? I've kept everyone so distant because I was afraid of letting them in on my pain, but when I find someone I can help as much as they help me, I'm forced to make a choice between the angel I love and the family I never had!" you screamed. A tear had let itself slip down and your cheek. He took another step. "I was there," he murmured. "Not for me to see or hear or touch or cry on! You might have been there, but not how I needed you, Gabriel! They will be! How do I know you aren't faking? You're an angel, I'm a human, maybe I should just walk out again to keep us both safe, even if it kills us!" you raged. Tears were spilling out, years of holding them back coming forth in waves that almost broke you in half. "Don't say that. Don't you dare say that. I was trying to distance myself from you to keep from falling in love, which could be highly dangerous and you could never have children, which I know you want. I want to make you happy as I can, but you can't give up on me. On us," he said, taking the final step for him to close the gap between you.

"I'm sorry. I never wanted to stay away. I wanted you. I still want you. But now I can tell you that... that I love you." His thumb wiped away the tears and you fell into him. Slumping forwards, he caught you in his arms. "Gabriel, I-I-I" Words failed to come out coherently. "I'm Gabey, remember? Don't call me Gabriel; it makes me feel old," he said softly. "You are old, stupid head," you choked out. "There's my girl," he sighed. He gently rubbed circles onto the tense skin of your bare shoulder and you finally slowed the tears enough to ask him to take you to bed. He made a small noise of approval, then scooped you up in his arms. "I got you, (Y/n). I'm staying right here tonight," he mumbled. You closed your eyes and twisted a fist in his shirt. Gently laying you down first, he was soon to follow. One am around you waist, another twisting a stray lock of hair around his finger. A thought grazed your sleepy mind, so you sent a prayer instead. Castiel, tell them I'm okay and get Sam Winchester here in four and a half hours. No force. Only if he says yes. Tell him we need him. I need him. A small tickle at the back of your mind told you he had heard your prayer. 

"How tired are you?" asked Gabriel out of the blue a while later after you'd fallen asleep and woken up again. "Seventy-five, twenty-five. Why?" you answered. "How mad are you at me?" he asked as soon as your response left your lips. "Not very. Why?" you answered, getting a little frustrated with his vagueness. "Because I want to do this," he said. You turned to see what he wanted, but he pushed his lips to yours gently. You yelped in surprise, but what really got you was when he pinched your butt. It wasn't new for him, but it still made you jump every time. Nothing ever readied you for it, you supposed. He smirked into the kiss and let one hand wander across your curves. Every touch drove you mad, the way he barely touched you with the pads of his finger tips. "Gabe, don't get anything started tonight, please," you begged in between kisses. "Oh, but I want to so bad, baby! See?" he whines, pressing his already hard cock against your thigh. "G-Gabe, I--" 

"The hell have I been zapped into?" said a small voice. You tried to shoved Gabriel off of you with every ounce of strength you had, but he didn't budge, only burrowed his face into your hair. "Heh, uh, h-hi, Sam," you said weakly. "Is this not a good time?" he said. "No," said Gabriel, stubbornly. "Perfect timing. Gabriel, MOVE." He sighed a dramatic sigh and rolled off the bed entirely. "You literal two year old," you mumbled, sitting up. "Can we have a minute?" you asked. The puppy eyes came out and he simply leaned back in to nip at your ear. "We're finishing this later," he growled in your ear. You whined and he snapped his fingers, disappearing with a laugh.

"So that's Gabriel. He's very... Dean-like, isn't he? Wait 'till he meets him."


	12. Chapter 12

"Yeah, he's very, um, Dean, I guess. He likes to mess around, I guess. Oh, God, off track. I'm so sorry, Sam," you said. You clutched a pillow to your chest, buried your face in it and sighed in unison with Sam. Footsteps made you look up and you saw Sam taking long strides towards you. You stood up just as his arms encased you in a tight hug. "You're not leaving again, are you? No more goodbyes, please," he said. "No, Sammy. I'm working on Gabriel right now. He'll warm up to you. Sit down, we need to talk," you ensured. He let go of you and sat down beside you on the bed, one hand still on your leg. "Look, I know I said that you have a choice to do what you want, but maybe you should tell your family goodbye in a civil way, which I'm 97% sure you didn't. And no way in hell are you going to break off everything with them. They might be insufferable assholes, but they're family. Especially Dean. He needs you just like how I need you. So you and I are going to go back there, then you can leave if you want, okay? I'll even help you get settled in if you want," you compromised. He lowered his head with a look you couldn't quite discern. 

He was quiet for the longest time. Only when you reached over and took his hand did he speak. "I want out. I want a wife and kids and a boring life with a desk job after I've been to college, and to be afraid of getting fat instead of being torn apart by some crazy monster! I know I will pay for it, but I will pay whatever it takes to live an apple pie life with Dad breathing down my back for everything I do wrong," he said softly. This is gonna be harder than I thought, you thought. "He does it because he doesn't want you hurt anymore than you have to be. And what about Dean? Or me or Bobby or any of the hundreds of people that you have and will save? Not everyone can do it, Sam, and there's a reason. I know you want it, but what if it isn't you that will have to pay? Your wife, your kids, your family. What if you die paying? Sammy, I love you like the brother I lost. I will help you if you want, but I'm going to help you first,"you agreed. He squeezed your hand and you stood up. "Come on. We've got some business to attend to." 

Gabriel was waiting on the other side of the door, eating a Snickers bar. "Ready, sexy?" he said. He looked up to Sam and raised an eyebrow. "We taking the moose? How does he even fit in this room?" he asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Yes, Gabriel, we're taking him. Sam, this is Gabriel. Gabriel, this is Sam Winchester," you introduced. Sam awkwardly put out a hand, which Gabriel took. "I know. He's a big deal back him. Big bro's got claim on the giant. But anyways!" he said, clapping his hands together. With the sound gone, you were in the middle of Bobby's living room. "You really should've let (Y/n) do that mark again before Cassie whirled her away. It's like a lighthouse in here. Practically calling me name," Gabriel snapped his fingers and the couch started to scream like a horrified man. Everyone's hands flew to their ears and you slapped him. He snapped again and it stopped. "I'm dating a child," you groaned and the others looked up slowly. "That's an angel?" asked Dean incredulously. "Yup," Gabriel bragged, popping the p. John pulled a book of matches out from his back, lit one, and threw it on the floor. "That's what you get, you son of a bitch," he growled. You rolled your eyes. "(Y/n), come here now. He's dangerous," warned John. "Moron, he's my guardian angel and my boyfriend. Yeah, he can be stupid, but he means well. We just came to talk, settle this out, okay?" you said. Your hands were raised, but Gabriel's were still crossed. John had a look of hate on his face, but he backed off. You stomped in it until a small gap in the fire was enough for him to step through. Not without cringing.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked. "My wings are bigger than a lot of others. Hello? Archangel!" he said. You rolled your eyes and stepped on his foot lightly. "Be nice," you muttered for him to hear. He groaned, but his behavior went uphill from there. You couldn't stop the occasional snark, but Sam seemed to like him plenty. At one point or another, Castiel popped in. Dean and him got on like no other in a matter of seconds. John, however, was being as stubborn as a mule about the whole thing. "I don't want you near (Y/n) or my boys. Ever. I don't like you, I don't trust you, and I don't trust anything that's not human," said John bitterly. "Well, that's great that you're protective, but so am I. I'll keep away from your inside family, but (Y/n) is mine to protect, even if you don't like it. Been there a hell of a lot longer than you have, Johnnie boy," said Gabriel. He leaned back in the chair and lopped an arm around your waist. "Told you I'm sticking with both y'all. Better get used to it, Daddio," you said.

You smirked at John, completely missing the way Dean was staring at the arm around you almost sadly.


	13. Chapter 13

It took a long time--three or four hours long-- to change John's mind just the slightest to keep letting you get mixed up in the angel business. He hated Gabriel and every other angel on principle, but after Gabe promised to keep you safer than he could, he caved and left the room on a "supplies trip". Sam, Dean, and Cas were involved in a deep conversation, so you just leaned into Gabriel's touch and closed your eyes again. "Still tired, little one?" he murmured. "A bit," you yawned. He smiled, stooped to kiss your forehead, then snapped his fingers. You fell asleep quicker than ever before in a different place away from the boys.

With you gone, Gabriel could finally confront Dean on the thoughts in his head. "Cassie, mind if I borrow bowlegs over here?" he asked with a small grin. "Of course, Gabriel. Will he be returning?" Castiel returned. Gabe nodded and Dean followed him into the next room with a look of confusion on his face. "So, Dean," he began, leaning against the wall. "Yeah," said Dean in a small voice so unlike his usually strong, deep one. "Heard your thoughts when I touched (Y/n). I must say, it's probably not the wise choice to try and take from someone who could have you wiped out with the snap of a finger. She's mine, got it? Not yours and never will be. I'll play nicely for her, but I don't like to share my favorite plaything with someone who would throw her away as soon as they get a chance," he said dangerously quiet. "I wouldn't. But how can I not think of her? She's so sweet and creative and God, she's gorgeous as anyone I've seen. Not that I care. You can keep her safe, and that's what matters. She'd die with me. I'm poison. Even Dad says so. Thinks I won't amount to anything. But she will. So keep her. I can still dream," Dean admitted. His head hung low, but Gabriel wanted to sterilize him of you for good.

"Don't even dream, big boy. No hopes of me letting her go anytime soon. I might be gone on business now and then, but I'mma comin' back every time, that I can promise. Watch what your thinkin', Dean," he continued. This time, Dean didn't even try to defend himself. He just got up and walked out of the room. He sat back down in between Castiel and Sam, forced a smile back on his face like always when you weren't around, and tried to enter the conversation as casually as possible.Gabriel watched his brother talk with the WInchester's for a while, making sure no thoughts went through Dean's head of you. He knew he was being irrational and using his powers for something as trivial as jealousy was stupid, but he didn't care. No one was going to take you from him anytime soon. Dean was true to his word, but something was different about Castiel. He had always kept his mind open to Gabriel, his favorite brother, but now it was clouded and closed off. Gabe thought it was weird, but not enough to investigate further than he was. He blinked and he was back in his house.

You were asleep in his bed, just as he wanted. He pulled the covers up around you and pushed one strand of hair away from your face. Before he released it, he twisted it around his finger like he always did. Kneeling, he loosened his hold on the hair, kissed your lips lightly and let you sleep. He always did love the calm look on your face of no fear, just relaxation. Gabriel took one last glance at you before he slipped away to the next bedroom.

He didn't know it would be the last time in a long time he would see you.


	14. Chapter 14

When you woke up, Gabriel wasn't behind you like he usually was. But as you opened your eyes, you realized it wasn't the only thing that was different. You weren't anywhere you'd been before and it was terrifying. The room was like the one you'd had at your old place before you'd met the Winchester's, but there were no windows and the door didn't have a handle on it. You sat up slowly and looked around. Throwing the blanket off of you, the cold air hit your bare legs. There was a noise on the other side of the un-openable door and a man John's age walked in. He had dark hair, striking blue eyes, a straight nose, and a build that would put Sam to shame. "(Y/n) (Y/l/n), right? My name is Adam Winchester. I know you know my brother, John, and I know what you mean to him. You'll be here until I come to an agreement with my twin. Anything you want is yours and you'll be treated well by my son, James. Would you like to meet him?" he said. You were just staring at him in awe. "You... you kidnapped me? No, I don't want to meet your probably psycho son! I want you to let me go! Do I get a phone call? Where's Gabriel? Is he here? Jesus Christ, you have lost your mind if you think John's going to give you something for me. I'm just baggage to him. He'll be happy you took me, asshat," you spat out rapid fire. He chuckled and left the room, replaced by a boy your age. 

He was handsome, you'd give him that. Hair silver as the moon, matching eyes with Sam's height. He had a strange cut across his collarbone, which stood out against his fair skin. "I'm so sorry about my dad. He's so cruel. I'm going to get you out," he whispered with his head down once the lock latched behind Adam. You were taken back by his words. "What?" He glanced up at you with sad eyes and continued. "I'm not like him, I swear it. I will get you out of here before he gets what he wants. Uncle John did something to my father was younger and he hates him. I can understood why he did it, but this is ridiculous. I hate it. I hope I can make it a little more bearable." You stood and went to him. "Thank you, James. I appreciate it. They'll be looking for me, and no one's going to stop Gabriel from getting to me. He's powerful. He'll find me eventually," you said. He stared into your eyes. "You have such beautiful eyes, you know," he complimented softly. You smiled. "Thank you. Yours are so unique. And your hair, it's... Is it dyed?" He shook his head. "The medicine I take for my illness turns my hair and eyes this color. It also tempers with my complexion," he said, dropping his head again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you," you apologized quickly. "Don't apologize. Treat me like anyone else, please. And call me Jem. I want to be normal," he told you, lifting his head a bit. "Okay, Jem."

Jem had a story like one you'd never you'd heard. His mother tried to kill him, then killed himself, his father was crazed for revenge, and he was dying from an illness that no one knew how to cure or do much other than delay it a few years. Even after that, he was so empathetic towards you. You liked him immensely. He had a sense of humor similar to Gabriel's, but he was as brilliant as Sam. You talked for hours when your stomach growled loudly. "You're hungry. What would you like? I'm allowed to call my father for meals, but I have to stay with you until he lets you go. I'm sorry," he said. You smiled. "You don't have to apologize so much. And you can get whatever sounds good to you," you replied. Something in him made you calm. Everything was supposed to be horrifying, but Jem made it seem just a hang out. He sent a quick text, and in a few minutes, a burger was there. You both ate and you were tired almost immediately after eating it. "What was up with this thing?" you said groggily. "I-I don't--Oh, God," he said. He fell over on the bed and you lost consciousness.

"So beautiful," said a familiar voice from somewhere.


	15. Chapter 15

There were light touches everywhere on your face. "(Y/n), wake up, please, (Y/n)," begged Jem's voice. Your eyes fluttered open and he audibly sighed. "It was drugged. I don't know how long. A few days I received this text. He says he's got Sam? Who's Sam?" he asked. Your eyes widened and your face dropped. "Sammy, what have I done?" you murmured under your breath. "He's my friend. I need to get to him, Jem. He could be hurt. He's... I love him like a brother. Please help me. I know you said you could get me out, but I need to get out sooner. I'll do anything. You can come with me, you can stay with me and I'll get you out of this life," you pleaded. He nodded, but he seemed to know something you didn't. "I will keep my promise, (Y/n). In return, you will stay my friend unconditionally. Deal?" he said, sticking out a hand. You took and said, "I'll be your friend forever anyways, Jem." He smiled, typed something into his phone and suddenly disappeared. It caused you to gasp, catching you so offguard.

Back at Bobby's, everyone was gearing up. Gabriel hadn't stopped moving since you disappeared from your bed. He had searched everywhere, turning to the Winchester's as a last resort. Every moment you were gone tore at his heart in a way it had never felt before. Tears fell from his amber eyes every time the thought of what was happening to you crossed his mind, but he couldn't help but think the worse. You'd been gone for almost two months. The others weren't concerned, with them not knowing until Sam disappeared as well. Everyone stood in a circle, their eyes cold and hardened towards each other.

"Keep her safe, huh?" muttered John. It wasn't the first time John had insulted Gabriel, or the millionth. At this, he lost it. "She is fine. I will find her. I made a mistake that will not happen again. So shut up before I obliterate you, you minute creature. You have no room to speak, Mr. Perfect-Father," whispered Gabriel all too softly. Dean didn't even move, just kept on with his gun. John didn't continue, but he hated him more than ever. For losing you, for putting you in danger, for yelling at him in front of his son, for talking back like he was nothing. He knew he was, but still. Gabriel suddenly stopped pacing the room and froze, closing his eyes tightly in concentration. "Gabriel, what is--" "SHUT UP!" he roared. His eyes flew open and he simply said, "I found her. She's somewhere in Lawrence, Kansas. Can't tell specifically where. Get your crap and let's go." John looked at Dean and Gabriel saw. "What?" he said angrily. "Lawrence was our home town. It's not a coincidence," explained Dean. "You're wasting my time! Time she doesn't have! Now get your booties in gear!" he yelled, fluttering away. He popped back in a second later, grabbed the WInchesters and the guns, muttered something unintelligible and fluttered back out. 

"We have to move now if we want to get out," said Jem quickly all of a sudden. You were rather taken aback by this new information and how quickly it had taken. Remembering it was an exact replica of your room, you grabbed your old teddy bear just as the door opened by itself. "That's the guard. Do you trust me?" Jem asked, his eyes shining. You nodded and he smiled. He took your hand and pulled your down the hallway towards a door. The hallway was nothing like the room. Underground, dark, peeling wallpaper, lit by a naked lightbulb every so often. He was moving much faster than what you would've thought he could. He flung open the door and people were yelling behind you. "Do you trust me?" he asked again. "We have to get Sam, or I'm not going," you said, stopping. The men got closer, but you didn't budge. "You will die!" he insisted, pulling on your arm. "I don't care," you said stubborly. He rolled his eyes, but turned the other way and pulled you up to his chest to hide. They ran past you. 

"Come on, hurry up. This is stupid and risky and reckless," murmured Jem. He flung a door open and Sam was slumped on the floor, covered in blood and bruises. "Sammy, you're okay, I'm here," you whisper-yelled, running to him. He was limp in your arms, but you strained to carry his weight. It nearly killed you, but you stumbled along with his arm around your shoulder and one hand on his waist. More men came running towards you, so you ran faster. Jem was muttering something, but you were focused on not falling under Sam's weight. Another door opened, you kicked it closed on the woman coming out, and ran on. "Faster, (Y/n), come on," you motivated. Jem opened the door for you and Sam's eyes opened groggily. "(Y/n)?" he whispered weakly. "Sammy, hey! Come on, try and walk with me, we gotta go fast," you instructed. He looked confused, but did as he was told. Right as Sam was able to walk on his own, Gabriel came into view with one hand on John and the other on Dean. "DEAN! GABRIEL!" you screamed as Sam let go of you and stumbled towards them. 

Gabriel was mouthing something, and his wings were standing high. The Winchester's had stopped to stare, but someone grabbing your throat made you stop. "Let her go, brother," said Gabriel, suddenly in front of you. Something cold touched your throat, digging in gently. You winced in pain. "You can have me instead, just... just let her go," Gabriel pleaded. He was so different from normal, his voice full of emotion and his eyes brimming with tears. "Jamaerah," he said softly. The blade dug in deeper and warmth seeped out down your neck. "Don't touch her!" yelled Dean, running forawrd. The thing swiped across your neck and you felt nothing.

You started to fall to the ground right as Dean threw the angel blade you had given to him. It hit the target behind you and you both fell together. Gabriel ran forwards, pulling you into his lap. "DAMNIT IT!" he yelled. "Heal her!" demanded Dean. "I-I can't. It's an angel blade cut. I can't do anything but try to make her comfortable until..." he faded off, his head dipping to kiss you passionately. "(y/n), I love you, I love you, I love you, and I never wanted it to be like this, but I love you," he said quietly, his voice breaking. A tear fell onto your face and you smiled weakly. "I'm not dying, Gabey. I'll be around forever, Dean. Tell Sam--College if he wants. Keep him and John-- safe. Gabriel, I-I lo--" You coughed and the light faded from around everyone until the light was only on Gabriel.

You tried to finish it, but it would only be heard in your mind.


	16. Chapter 16

It hurts. It hurts like fire running through your veins, slowly burning every good feelings out of your body. It hurts like getting your beating heart ripped out of your chest and then having it shoved back in only to be done again with the same agony all over again. It would have been better if someone had let you be cut with millions of paper cuts, then drowned in lemon juice. Fire was everywhere but it was so cold. So very, very cold. Everywhere you turned, there were screams of horror and pain, sobs for help and loved ones. A woman stood in the corner of a cell watching a small boy break his own neck while she cried out his name. A man was in a chair at the end of the hall screaming in torment as a blade dragged across every inch of his skin. There were flashes of Gabriel, but every one was worse than the last. Beaten and bloodied. Lying dead on the ground. His wings being ripped by hand. You fell to the floor as the images turned to the Winchesters, then your parents, Jem, every person you'd ever cared for. It was petrifying. Warm tears rolled down your ice cold skin as if they'd never stop. You screamed their names, but nothing stopped the pictures from forming in your mind. 

No one came for days and by then, the images had turned to them calling you worthless, spitting on you, trying to hurt you. Someone came and hurt you worse than anyone ever had, but everything was dulling slowly and you felt hope ebbing away until it was almost gone. The scars were everywhere and blood stained everything you touched. You never slept, they let you starve. So hungry, so cold, so tired, so... everything. You'd remember glances of happy memories, but they weren't enough to keep you sane. Everything hurt, everything was dulled, all hope gone before you could hold them tighter.

Months went on. Years trickled by, but you never aged. You held the picture of the Winchesters and Gabriel in your mind, but it was fading fast. A century passed, and nothing was the same. Every day the same: pictures, torture, harsh words from those you loved, the offer to torture others, more torture when you refused, then back to the room for more pictures. Until one night. Or day. You never knew. They let you sleep and speak to a man they called "The Big Man". 

You collapsed and waited for the pictures, but they never came. You closed your eyes and sleep overcame you only to have the door opened and a man walk in. He was casually dressed in jeans and a red t-shirt. His blond hair was short and he had a small shiny thing in one hand. "(Y/n), you're coming with me. Get up and walk," he ordered. (Y/n)? (Y/n) was your name as you suddenly remembered. You stood and fell back down. "Get up and walk," he repeated. You grabbed the wall and stumbled forwards right into the man's chest. The woman behind him came forwards with a dagger, but the man waved her off. He snapped his fingers and you felt the distant memory of a similar feeling tugging you forward.

You were in a living room that was well furnished with a fireplace that gave off no heat. You let your fingers drag over the gold walls that sparked a memory in you. Soft, warm, safe, love. Laughter. Kisses. Safe. Sam, Dean, John, Jem, Gabriel. Smiling. Happy. Safe. "Heal her!" "(Y/n), I love you, I love you, I love you, and I never wanted it to be like this, but I love you." "Gabriel, I--I lo--" You stumbled back away from the wall and a voice rang out. "Change clothes. Dinner is in ten minutes. Clothes are in your room, right there." You turned to see the blond man leaning against the doorway to another room. You looked to where he had and there was a door where your hand had been moments ago. You looked back and he was gone. 

The room was small enough to feel big and cozy at the same time. The bed was large and freshly made with the corners still crisp, facing a vanity mirror with a hairbrush and basic makeup. A dresser was pushed up against the wall with a china cat on top of it. You walked slowly over to it and pulled out a fresh pair of jeans, underwear, bra, and a comfortable looking t-shirt. You glanced down at your ripped and filthy clothes, if you could still call them that. Shedding them quickly, you rinsed off in the open shower in the corner and watched the black water turn to a lighter color until it was clear. The clean clothes felt like silk against you freshly clean skin. The man opened the door and you collapsed to the ground in a puddle of tears. He moved more quickly to you, but to your shock, pulled you to your feet and--into a hug. "Shh, darling. I won't hurt you anytime soon. You did your time and now I've saved you. Stop crying," he murmured. The tears subsided at the comfort. It was the first time someone had touched you with anything other than hatred and anger for a long time. "Would you like to eat? I'm sorry if I scared you before. I had to be like that, but this is how I am behind closed doors, I swear," he continued. You nodded and he snapped again. Nothing hurt and you could speak. "Thank you so much, Mr..." 

"Lucifer. Just Lucifer."


	17. Chapter 17

Dinner was everything you had expected and more. He made it for you himself and he truly was misunderstood. You came to feel sorry for him over a few hours. He was kind like Sam, and so smart. Books lined the walls that towered over his head and he fancied many of the books you did. Conversations went on for hours on every topic and he let you have as much food and drink as you wanted. He was, in truth, still rather angelic. Every now and then, a word would spark a memory that would send you spiraling into tears, but he was there to comfort you. Satan was rather unlike Satan.

"Everyone would suspect me to want to be a Slytherin, but the tests all say I'm a Ravenclaw, so that is my house of choice. Dad can't determine everything, can he?" You smiled at his joking manner for the thousandth time. "I've always been a (Your Favorite House), just like my brother. My parents were both Muggles, hated the whole ordeal. They were never very interactive until my dad was gone and Mom was practically dead. It kinda sucked, but... I shouldn't be talking. I mean, you're practically hated by everyone that you ever loved. I'm sorry, Lucifer," you said softly. He smiled brightly. "No one has used that name in a long time. Thank you," he said. His eyes were alight with fire as he spoke. You shivered from the frigid air and his eyes widened slightly. "Are you cold?" he asked. "A bit," you replied. "Let me help with that," he said, his voice dropping lower than before. 

He scooted closer to you and pulled you closer to him. He was cold, colder than the room, but he had seemed to have forgotten. It was nice to have someone hold you again, even if he was Satan. You yawned and he snapped his finger, putting you in more comfortable and warm clothes. One of his hands rested around your shoulder while the other one danced around your eyes. From his fingers, little dragons breathed balls of fire with galaxies swirling in the background. You knew it was a hallucination, but it still enthralled you. Yawning again, you rested your head on his cold shoulder and watched the dragon for a bit longer before you drifted off to a deep sleep that overtook all your senses.

Dean. Sam. John. Am I still like Mary? I miss them. Is Bobby okay? I hope they're okay. I miss them. The laughter. A grinning Winchester. I miss them. "Get off me!" The hand print. Safety. I miss them. Impala. Leather. The stories. My boys. I miss them. I miss them.

Your eyes flew open and the image of the Winchester's flashed in front of your eyes. Another face danced behind your eyelids, but you'd grown used to it. You knew his face, his name, his favorites and the things he hated. You loved him, needed him, wanted him. But not mentioning him was the only was to get back to him. So you pushed the thought away and sat up yelling, "SAMMY!" Lucifer was by your side in a moment. You pulled the memories of them saying all those things in the cell back to your mind and the tears came easily. "What is it? You shouldn't have been able to have nightmares, not after I altered it," he murmured. You snuggled deeper into his embrace and sighed. "I miss them. Sam and Dean and John Winchester, Bobby Singer. I want... I want to see them, but I never will and--and--" You faded off and let another round of tears fall onto his chest. You hated tricking him, really. You liked him a lot, but he was your only way back and you knew it. Good thing you'd made Gabriel put the mind reading block on you. A look of something like hurt crossed his face, but dissipated seconds later. "You might be able to. I'll think about it, okay?" he said after a long while of silence. You looked at him and hugged him tight. "Thank you, Luci! I love you!" you squealed. He smiled down at you and you bounced away.

You were happier than you had been in a long time. The chance that you could see Gabriel and the Winchester's again was getting higher with every day you stayed there. You knew you'd been asleep a long time, but after checking a calendar, you realized it had been almost a week. Lucifer had supplied you with an iPod after he discovered your love of music and it had a bunch of songs similar to the ones Dean and John loved. Bad to the Bone seemed appropriate, so you plugged in your earbuds and closed your eyes to listen. His voice was rough, but you loved it. It reminded you of Cas a bit.

A few hours later, Lucifer came in and laid down next to you. His arm wrapped around your waist and his head went into the crook of your neck. You took one earbud out and out it in his ear and he hummed along with the song. After a few songs like this, he spoke up. "If you leave, I want to go with you. The Winchester's, they'll be suspicious and hate me for a while, maybe forever. I want to be where you are, by your side for as long as you will allow it. If I let you go, I will come and stay until you die again and we'll be together then. Deal?" You pondered it in silence. Maybe he'd understand. After all, Gabriel was and still is his brother. Perhaps he'd like you enough to let you be happy with Gabe. 

"Alright."


	18. Chapter 18

He was true to his word, just not as fast as you would have liked. It took almost a month. Between him procrastinating and just not doing anything productive, he seemed to hate the thought of your leaving him. He really was starting to fall for you and that made you more nervous than anything. Sometimes he's be very distant and other days, he was attached to your hips. But every meal he showed up and you talked. And every meal, you regretted tricking him even more. Perhaps you'd made a mistake in telling him he could come. It dominated your thoughts and you tried every way to get him to change his mind. Of course, it did nothing, but you tried. 

"Gather the things you want to take. Tomorrow we're leaving," he said one night when he was curled up next to you. You didn't like it, but it made him comfortable and heightened your chance of him leaving you once he saw you with Gabriel. You smiled and hopped off the bed to gather the few things you wanted to take. In the time that you'd been with him and describing the things you needed the most, he had made them appear. But you had those things at home, so you only took a picture of him and you that he'd taken one day around the kitchen and the iPod he'd given you. "Excited, aren't you?" he asked. You nodded and wrapped them in a blanket from the bed, then shoved them into a bag. Thinking twice, you added the porcelain cat. "I really can't thank you enough. The boys, I've missed them so much. They will like you once they get used to you. That might take a while, though," you told him, tying the shoes to your feet. "I said tomorrow, but we can go today if we must," said Lucifer in a somber voice. You sighed and went to hug him. "I really don't know why everyone hates you. You're not that bad, y'know," you said happily. He smiled sadly down at you and you felt the feeling of being ripped apart and put back together again.

You stumbled into someone and quickly said, "Oh, I'm so sorry." You turned around, but Lucifer wasn't there. But everything was so familiar. That couch, this wallpaper, the kitchen doors that slid in, the stack of books piled up on a rickety old desk mixed with empty bottles of liquor. The sound of a blade unsheathing made you turn and it hit you. "Bobby's house," you mumbled. A familiar face was staring you in the face and you smiled. "Dean!" you exclaimed. You moved closer to him, but he backed up and shouted, "SAM! BOBBY!" Realization came over you. "Dean, it's me, I swear," you said, holding your hands up. "(Y/n) has been dead almost a year," he growled. His voice was close to breaking and you both knew it. The sound of rampant footsteps getting closer made you tense automatically. Sam and Bobby came hurtling around the corner. 

"What is it, boy?" said Bobby, trailing off when he saw you. "It's me," you repeated. This time, Sam came over and twisted your arms behind your head as Dean got closer and put the blade close to your neck. "Dean, Sammy, calm down. I'm not a shifter," you said calmly. "Then you're a revenant!" shouted Dean. "Then cut my arm. Just... not my neck again. I don't want to go back yet," you begged. He looked at Sam, then took one arm from his brother and sliced the side of the blade across your forearm. It let out red blood. They relaxed, but Bobby splashed holy water on your face. You spluttered, but it was just water to you. Nobody moved for a moment. Then Sam turned you around and hugged you so hard, you couldn't breathe. "(Y/n)," he laughed. Dean pried you from his brother's arms and spun you around. His hand were bound to leave bruises from how tight he was gripping you, but you wanted it that way. He let out a strangled chuckle and kissed your forehead hard. You breathed in his scent and let go of the bag you were carrying. You folded out of his grip and hugged Bobby. "It's good to see you, girl," he said in a breathy voice. You giggled and let go.

"Where's John?" you asked. They looked at each other before Sam said, "We don't know. He took off pretty soon after we watched that guy kill you. Dean killed him. He looked pretty sick, anyways. Like he never went outside. Practically an albino." Your eyes widened. "Silver eyes and hair, pale skin, thin lips, angular cheekbones, rather Benedict Cumberbatch looking?"you rattled off. "You knew him?" asked Sam, obviously surprised. 

"Oh, Jem, I trusted you."


	19. Chapter 19

"Wait, you knew him?" Dean asked incredulously. "He, uh, he was my friend. Or at least, I thought he was. He got Sam out, let me go, just helped me out in general. He was so nice to me. Nice is different than good, I guess. But why take me if he was just a random guy? And the cover as John's brother's son? It was so in depth, it makes me think he wanted me for something other than just a little fun. Not your average sociopath, y'know?" you said. It was still hard to believe Jem had been the reason for the whole ordeal. You had really trusted him. "Gabriel, he seemed to be connected to each other. Said his name was Jamarae or something weird ," said Sam, crossing his arms and sitting down. "The angel blade killed him? Left the wing imprint and everything?" you asked. Bobby nodded and you continued. "Yeah, they were. Gabriel is an archangel, one of the first four angels ever made by God. So, by default, he is technically related to every angel every made. They're all brothers and sisters up there, even the fallen ones like Lucifer. It would make sense why Gabe seemed to know him," you said. You sat down on the floor and leaned up against Sam's leg. His hand gripped in your shirt tightly and you smiled. The physical touch was a reassurance thing for the Winchester's and you knew it. The feeling of his hand made you feel more at home. You sighed and heard a flap of wings. Turning, you were met with a familiar pair of ocean blue eyes. "Cas!"

You got up to hug him and he was as stiff as you remembered. "Hello, (Y/n). I thought I saw your soul from Heaven. I will ask, how are you here? Not that I am not happy to see you again, but you should still be in Heaven," he said. He had changed, you noticed. Kinder, softer, more human almost. "Cas, I was never in Heaven. Look, I don't want to talk about it. But I'm glad I'm back, too. The boys been good for you, Cassiel?" you said, trying to lighten the mood. His head tilted adorably. "What do you mean, 'never in Heaven'?" asked Bobby. "Please, not now. It was... I can't right now. Probably not ever. Just... leave it, please," you begged quietly. Cas laid a hand on your forehead and shut his eyes. "(Y/n)," he murmured, his eyes still shut and his hand still on you. Something was in your head, forcing you to remember the years of torture and pain. It hurt as if you were still there and you screamed and shoved him away. His eyes flew open and all eyes were on you. "(Y/n)," repeated Cas quieter than before. His eyes were sad and full of sympathy. You pushed pass him to get to your room.

You flung yourself onto the bed and cried. No one followed you or at least, you thought they didn't. Dean did. He silently sat next to you and ran a warm hand across the back of your thigh. You whimpered at the touch and cried harder. "You don't have to talk about it, I can't leave you alone to cry, especially since I just got you back a few minutes ago. I'm not losing you again, (Y/n)," he said softly. His hand stilled and you turned to him. He scooted closer and wrapped his arms around you in a comforting way. You balled a fist in his shirt as he laid light kisses across your temple. "Dean, I-I th-though I was b-back and, and Ca-Cas, he was j-just trying to h-help, I know, b-but I c-ca-can't do it, D-Dean," you sobbed. His hand stroked your hair as he whispered nonsensical words in your ear. He hummed softly in your ear and you tried harder to stop to hear him. The tune was familiar, an Elliot Smith song. Angeles. You'd seen him playing the guitar with it. His voice was calming and you closed your eyes to further focus on his voice. As soon as he hummed the last note, he pulled away from you and left you alone.

He came back quickly enough, this time, his guitar in hand. He loved that messed up thing. Sitting beside you again, he tuned it before picking out a soft tune you knew all too well. Cereus Bright by Cereus Bright. Not only your favorite lullaby, but the only song you remembered from your childhood. "I searched the world,every mountain, every valley, for the one for whom I give my heart. So it seems that love is not discovered. Now I see that love discovers me. You came just like a flower in my darkest hour. Bloomed in the night, cereus bright,"he sang softly. Folding you hands, you joined him in the harmony. "Darlin' bright, in the moonlight, darlin' bright," you sang together. You sang the rest of the song alone, him joining in to layer a tight harmony when the time came for it. Right as the last chorus was coming in, a third voice, so familiar to your eyes appeared and you looked up to see Gabriel. Captivated by the sight of him gazing down at you, you only kept singing until it was just you again. Dean finished the song, gave you a quick kiss on the cheek and left you alone.

You stood in silence for a few minutes before Gabriel spoke up. "Hey, sugar." You broke out in a broken laughter and ran to him. He met you halfway and embraced you tightly. You were both laughing a rich laughter and you were so happy, you could cry again. You dug your face into his soft, golden hair and breathed deeply. "Gabriel, I missed you so much," you sighed. "Oh, baby, I missed you more. I'm so glad you're back, however you are, but right now, I just don;t care. I couldn't find you anywhere, I'll never let you get hurt again, I swear," he whispered. His hand trailed to your ass and he squeezed lightly. "Missed this, too. Still mine, y'know," he said with a smirk. You smiled and stepped away. "I love you, too, Gabriel." Another flutter of wings behind you made you look. It was Lucifer.

"Luce..." You trailed off. "Who's there? Brother, sister, show yourself," he demanded, holding you against his chest. "Really? Gabriel? I'm older, you know. Better. Come with me instead," said Lucifer. His grace was beginning to shine through his eyes and you were scared. You held tighter to Gabriel and Lucifer let his head drop. "I didn't want to do this, y'know," he said. "Please, don't hurt me!" you pleaded. Gabriel grabbed your face and made you look into his eyes. "(Y/n), tell me what's wrong!" he ordered severely. You looked into his eyes and kissed him desperately. "I love you, Gabe, and I don't know--" Lucifer snapped his fingers, pulled you from Gabriel's arms and threw you on the ground. Something felt different and you on the way down and you hit your head.

A man was standing over you when you woke up. He was handsome, but not in the conventional way. Gold hair, whiskey colored eyes that pleaded for something. He pulsed an aura of power and you almost knew him. "(Y/n), you scared the hell out of me!" he shouted, hugging you tightly. You patted his back once before backing away from him. 

"The hell are you?"


	20. Chapter 20

He stared at you in confusion. "Did you hit your head? Come here, let me heal you," he said after a moment of awkward tension. "No, I just fell. How do you know my name? And heal me? What, are you a wizard?" you joked. His mouth dropped open slightly and all the light left his eyes. "(Y/n), Are you being serious right now? You're scaring me, cupcake," he said, a nervous chuckle passing his lips. He really seemed to know you, but nothing was coming to mind. "(Y/n)?" asked a voice behind you and the man's eyes went wide. You turned and sighed. "Lucifer, I think we should go. I'm, uh, not really comfortable right now. Can we leave?" you asked him, going to him. He slung an arm around your shoulder and grinned. "Anything for you, babe," he said in a low voice. "Lucifer, I need to talk to you. Now," growled the man. "You know him?" you asked Lucifer. "Family," he said curtly, leading you out of the room. You stayed outside the door, eavesdropping.

"Brother, have I done something to upset you?" asked Lucifer in almost a playful tone. "What have you done to her," said the man. His voice was deadly quiet. "I didn't do anything," Lucifer replied coolly. "YOU ALTERED HER MEMORY AND TOOK HER FROM ME!" roared the man. A dark chuckle came from who you thought was Lucifer. "She agreed to let me stay with her when I brought her back. A thought-blocking charm was carved into her, so how would I know about you? Although, it is a nice addition. Makes me look good, don't you think. Besides, we both know I'm better for her. You could only get her killed. Which you did, little brother," said Lucifer with an edge of cruelty. "She was-- I didn't-- You're the reason I couldn't find her in Heaven. You took her to Hell. How long was she tortured," asked the man in a soft voice. "Oh, a hundred years or so. But then I saved her," defended Lucifer. "I will be the one to kill you, Luce. Dad help me, I will." "Watch your tone." Footsteps approached the door and you backed away.

Lucifer emerged from the room with the remains of a smile on his face and you frowned. The man knew you? He seemed so attached for just a stranger... But Lucifer, he wouldn't hurt you or try to. The guy was just a wack-job. "Ready, darling?" Lucifer asked, offering your arm. You almost didn't want to take it, but you did. He smiled down at you with his dazzling eyes and you forgot about the man. He lead you through the house, passing four men (who were admittedly very attractive, especially the one with spiked up hair and bright green eyes). They were harder to get by.

"(Y/n), who is this?" asked the tallest one. "Does everyone know my name?" you sighed in frustration. "Hey, get your hands off her. I don't know how you got past Gabriel, but you won't get past me without her consent, and I doubt she'll be leaving," growled the attractive one. The older man was staring at Lucifer in confusion, but the man in the trench coat's reaction was what shocked you the most. "Lucifer, what have you done to (Y/n)? She is... different," he said. His voice was much lower than what his face would lead you to believe. "Aw, Cassie, she's alright. She knows I'd never hurt her," he said calmly. The arm you were holding onto slipped out of your grip and laid to rest on your waist. You stepped closer to him and they all looked at you in confusion. "(Y/n), come here," said the older man in a warm voice. "Look, I don't know any of you, so I'm, uh, I'm going to leave, if that's good. If not, well, too friggin' bad. Get over it," you said. You pulled away from Lucifer and walked out the door. A small voice whispered, "I'll be right there," in your head. A little while down the road, you head a cry of your name. It was the tall one. 

"Please, (Y/n/n), tell me what you mean. You don't know us? You can't go, I-- we need you. Dean practically went crazy trying to bring you back, you're good for an hour or less, and you're leaving? Don't go, please," he begged. His eyes were huge and sad, the sincerity of his words bleeding through them in raw emotion. "I've never met you in my life, okay? I don't know Dean, I don't know you, I just want you psychos to leave me and Lucifer alone and that's it. I'm sorry if you think you know me, but you don't," you said. It came out harsher than you had intended, but that was the way it was. "Yes, I do know you. Your name is (Y/n) (Y/m/n) (Y/l/n), both of your parents are dead, you love (Favorite Band), (Favorite Food), and you used to have a beagle. You stayed with us after a djinn almost killed you, Dad took a shining to you, and you're part of this family. Dean's going to lose it if you leave, Dad did, and I can't help forever. Please, don't go. Please, (Y/n/n)." He was hunched down to your level. You stared at his hazel eyes and willed yourself to remember. Something was in the way, something itching in the back of your mind. In your silence, one of his massive hands took your small one in his and he brought it to his cheek. "Please," he whispered. You dropped your head in shame and guilt. "I-- I." 

"Ready to go, love? We've got a busy schedule and we can't stick around forever. These people have lives to, y'know, even though it wouldn't seem so. Beer to drink, nights to waste drunk and mornings smothered in hangovers," he said all too seriously. Your eyes were still on the man's and now he was looking more like a boy. So weak and alone, you just wanted to stay for him. Lucifer put a hand on your shoulder and you pulled your hand away from his skin. His face fell even more at the loss of contact. "I'm ready, Lucifer," you said softly. The man pushed you behind him and wrapped his arms behind his back to try and keep you from Lucifer. "You can't have her, apparent Satan," he growled. Lucifer chuckled and raised his hand to snap his fingers. You jumped out from behind him and closed his hand. "Don't hurt him," you said. He lowered his hand and you turned back just in time to see the man's eyes starting to glaze over with a thin layer of tears. "Goodbye, Sam," you said as you were transported away.

Sam?


	21. Chapter 21

It was so beautiful, wherever you were. Mountains closed in on your and snow covered the tips of them. The sky was clear except for the flakes of pure white that fell from nowhere. A cozy cabin stood in front of you, smoke coming steadily from the chimney on top. The trees were white everywhere and the snow was untouched by any feet of any kind. "If this is too cold, we can go somewhere else," piper up Lucifer from beside you. You were still shocked by the beauty. "No, no, this is... this is good. Really good," you breathed. One of his hands moved you to stand in front of him while he put his head on your shoulder. "It's all for you. That mountain is called Mount (Y/n). It's beauty can't compare to yours, though," he whispered in your ear. You didn't reply. The smell of the smoke reached your nose and you sighed. One last look up at the snow falling around you and you felt content for the first time in what felt like forever. Lucifer moved around you, took your hand in his, and lead you to the cabin. 

Inside was just as you had expected it to be. A roaring fire stood in one corner, comfortable furniture, an open floor plan, a wide kitchen with two mugs of cocoa on it already, a stairway that lead to an overlooking balcony-slash-bedroom. The wood was bright and made the single room house warmer than it really was. Books were piled in front of the fireplace, in the corners of the room, overflowing from the bookshelves. "Oh, Luci," you sighed. He had unfolded on one of the couches, a steaming mug in his hand. He patted the spot next to him, but you shook your head, moving instead to the fireplace. You crouched down to leaf through the books. (Your Favorite Book). You flipped open the front page and gasped. "This is an original copy. Signed by the author. What even," you said, a grin spreading across your face. Lucifer was watching you intently, his eyes shining. You leaned back against the brick wall and let the fire warm your legs and the book engulf you like it always had. 

Minutes turned into hours which turned into a whole day. At one point, a collection of your favorite songs had come from a set of speakers better than you had ever heard. Even the songs that weren't on Spotify, like Kellin Quinn's "Iris" cover, was on. You sang along softly as Lucifer read his own book. After a good many books, you set the current one down and glanced up to where Lucifer was. His eyes were closed. You silently slipped out of the door with a hoodie in your arms. The woods were just as entrancing as before. It was quiet except for the birds and the creak of your feet over the wooden porch. Sitting on the porch swing, you leaned back and hummed a song you remembered from somewhere. "I searched the world, every mountain, every valley, for the one to whom I give my heart," you sang softly. Something tickled the back of your mind and you pushed to remember where you knew that song from. It was a Cereus Bright song, but someone else was singing it. Someone you loved. The harmonies-- they were fresher... What was it...?

You gave up and let your mind wander back to the tall man. You'd called him Sam. "Sam," you murmured, testing the sound of it. It rolled off your tongue like you'd said it a million times. The hazel eyes, the shaggy brown hair, the hands you knew too well for your comfort, it was... And then there was the man you'd first saw. Lucifer's little brother? Oh, a name, a name. G... Gavin? Gale? Garrett? George, Gary, Graham, Greyson? No, no, no. Something else. You were so close to him, you knew it. Something in you knew him. A strange feeling around him, safety that being around Lucifer didn't give off. Butterflies, strength, adoration... love? "How can you love a stranger?" you said aloud. A crunching sound came from the woods and you looked. A doe with a buck and a fawn still on wobbly legs. The buck's horns stretched across his whole body and the sun was directly behind him. The golden light made them look like wings and the sensation was back. The man with hair like that, he was all that came to mind. The fawn saw you and its ears perked up. It wobbled towards you slowly. You slunk your way over to the edge of the stairs and held out an hand. The buck let out a snort, but the fawn ignored it. It sniffed your hands, then came closer and bounded around you. You stood up and breathed out a laugh. The buck let out a braying sound, but then it shushed. After a moment, it bounded back to the doe. The buck lifted its head and they left into the woods. Shivering, you went back inside. 

Lucifer had his arms crossed over his chest, a book levitating in front of him. "You were longing for an angel, I felt it. So I was going to come get you, but then you came in yourself. You're still longing. Come here," he said without looking up. You blushed and went to him. He pulled you onto his lap. As always, he was cold as ice. He let the book fall, causing you to jump. "(Y/n), look at me," he said. You did. He placed on long finger under your chin and leaned in close to you. His normally light blue eyes were darker than usual and it was almost scary. "A human shouldn't be able to do this to me. They're filthy and lesser and unclean, so unlike me and my father. But you, you're not like them, (Y/n). So bright and caring, funny, smart, stunning, Dad must have spent a week on you. So beautiful," he rumbled. Every word made him lean in a little closer until his lips were hovering above yours. "Let me conquer you, (Y/n)," he rasped. You didn't reply and he pushed a rough kiss to your lips.

It was a clash of teeth and tongue, the intensity of it finally showing you what he really was. Your lips were swollen from his kisses. Every touch was agonizingly hard, bruises would be everywhere, you knew. Normally, you would have wanted this, but now that it was happening, it felt so... wrong. Everything in you screamed a name, but the name just wouldn't come to you. He pushed you back on the couch and laid his whole weight on top of you, leaving you gasping for air more so than you already were. "(Y/n)," he groaned. He pushed down one of the shoulders on your hoodie and you used every ounce of strength you had to roll out from under him. "I'm not ready for that," you said weakly. Your lips stung and your hips hurt from where he was gripping you so tightly. Someone had been gentler with you, worshiping your body in ways that left you feeling high and so full of love for him. But you'd never been with anyone before Lucifer... You ran up the stairs to the bedroom and fell under the covers, searching ever corner of your mind for the name. Something snapped and you almost screamed in pain. Just a tiny slip of information, just seven letters. Seven letters that made all the difference in the world.

Gabriel.


	22. Chapter 22

The name was so familiar, no face seemed to match it but the golden haired man. He was the last thing you wanted and the thought of his name alone made you writhe in pain. Nothing was putting you asleep and Lucifer was pacing the floor beneath you. You longed for the man named Gabriel, feeling guilty about it. So this is what the fight had been about Gabriel and Lucifer had been about. Had you known each other? Had you loved him? Had he loved you? You missed something you'd seemingly never had. After hours of tossing and turning, you gathered the courage to walk down the stairs. Lucifer was lounging comfortably in a chair with a glass of scotch in one hand. "(Y/n), I'm sorry, I--" You held up a hand and he stopped. "Forget it. I'm just not ready yet," you said in a small voice. "I'll be here when you are," he said, his eyes shining. He polished off the rest of the drink and rose from his chair. "Hungry? I can make some mean pancakes." he said, clapping his hand together. You smiled and said, "A two-year-old can make mean pancakes, Luce." He went to the kitchen and snapped his fingers, making the supplies appear. "Let's get this party started!" he screeched as the music came from nowhere. 

Well, eggs, pancake mix, and syrup were everywhere when he was done. Honestly, he'd burned four of them for every good one he made, but they weren't terrible. Your favorite music was still there, but some strange songs you'd never heard before. Older songs, harder. AC-DC, Led Zepplin, Van Halen. After three pancakes, a book teetering on the edge of the fireplace caught your eye. You put your plate in the sink, filled a glass with the sweet wine you'd come to love, and scooped it up. The Magician's Elephant, it read. Leaning up against the brick side of the fireplace, you put the glass gently down and fingered lightly through the book. The pages were beginning to yellow with age, the bottoms worn by years of reading, and the words starting to fade. "The world had become too cold and confusing and chaotic to bear. She stopped reminding herself of her name. She decided that she would like to die," you murmured under your breath. "Want me to read it to you?" offered Lucifer. "No, thank you. This book, it needs to be pondered over in the silence of my own mind. Some books should be tasted. Some devoured. But only a few should be chewed and digested thoroughly," you said, looking up to him and smiling. The fire was dulling, a simple crackle here and there. He raised his hand to snap, but you spoke up. "I love fires like this, small, but still so lethal." He lowered his hand and you delved into the book.

The snow had stopped falling and began to melt. Everything was cozy inside and the book had done its job of distracting you from the name bouncing around in your head. The silence was comforting, even Lucifer's watchful stare made you feel a little better. "You'd never hurt me, right, Luce?" you piped up randomly. "I wouldn't dream of it," he replied. "Leave me to be happy, love me from afar, even if it killed you? Never try and take me from what I need and what I want more than anything?" He hesitated before saying, "No." You looked up at him with hopeful eyes. "Okay." There was a sound like braying outside and you went to the window. "Oh, no," you whispered in horror. You dropped the glass of wine and ran out the door. It shattered behind you, but you didn't care. 

A man was standing, about to shoot the fawn you'd seen yesterday. "Don't shoot!" you screamed. The man pulled the trigger and you flung yourself in front of the fawn. The bullet went right above your hip and stayed put. The fawn was looking at you with terrified eyes full of pity. The man gasped and you raised your hand in a "Get out" motion, but he flew backwards. Lucifer opened the door after you and ran to you. "Stop, don't come any closer!" you warned him. The bullet wound hurt worse than anything, but you made the buck your priority. "(Y/n), let me get to you or you might pass you." Steps closer. "I said don't move, damn it!" He froze and the buck came trotting up to you. You bowed to it as low as you could without crying in pain. Blood was starting to flow over your hand and it hit the snow. The buck snorted, pawed at the ground, then bowed in return. You stayed in that position and his antlers came into view as his head met with yours. His dark eyes were calm and he snorted again. Blinking slowly, you backed away until Lucifer's chest met with your back. The family of deers didn't move, just watched as Lucifer carried you in his arms inside.

His hand started to glow before he even set you down. It got brighter and brighter, holding it firmly on top of the wound. It just slowed the bleeding at most. "The hell?" he yelled, obviously angry. "Luce..." you whimpered. It was cold and you didn't want to die again. Not yet. The buck had accepted you, a crazy hard thing you'd always wanted to do. "Shut up, (Y/n), you'll be fine. I just, damn!" he growled, hand lighting again. Gabriel's face flashed across your mind again. Oh, Gabriel, help me, please, you thought. You didn't want to die without knowing what you had. Lucifer ran a hand through his blond hair and he sighed. 

"She needs her Guardian."


	23. Chapter 23

Your head lolled back onto the back of the couch and Lucifer cussed again. "Well, you'll be going back sooner than anticipated," he said nervously. Your head shot up and you stared him in the eye. "So help me God, if you don't take me to whoever it is can heal me, I will never speak to you again. I've been back for three days, and it's more beautiful than anything. I don't want to go. Not yet," you whispered in a voice too calm to be natural. He looked down at you his blue eyes and you could see the battle going on in his head. He laid down beside you and nestled up against your neck. "I can't lose you to him. Not him, or those vile Winchester's, or anyone. Especially not him," he said in a soft voice. You wanted to ask him who, but the words wouldn't form. It wasn't as painful as last time, but you were still so scared. Then Lucifer flashed you somewhere alone.

It was a room with a beautiful mural on the ceiling and a big fluffy bed against one wall. A fire burned low in one corner and a man had one hand above it leaning closer to it. "Cas, I ain't up for it. Stop trying and go flirt with 'the beautiful man with such green eyes', okay?" he said. You shuddered from how cold everything was and you coughed. It made everything hurt. "Help," you wheezed. He whirled around to see you reaching out for him with one hand. His eyes widened and then he turned back around. "Just a hallucination, ignore it," he muttered. He didn't think you were real, you realized. "Please," you spluttered. It took everything. He snapped his fingers, then looked at you again in horror as you didn't disappear. HE didn't move for a split second, then sprinted to you. 

He pulled you into his lap. "What's my name?" he asked. You felt another pair of eyes watching, so you traced his name on his thigh, but shook your head no. His eyes lightened and his hand wavered over the wound. It closed and you shut your eyes gently. "Thank you, brother," said Lucifer from the dark corner of the room. Gabriel smiled and snapped his fingers, sending the holy oil trap up in flames. Lucifer was taken aback. "Now out. I think we need a minute," said Gabriel, snapping again. Lucifer was gone. He sighed in relief and put his forehead to yours. "Oh, kitten, I've missed you. You broke out of the memory charm. It's supposed to be crazy painful, even lethal in some cases. How?" he asked. "Just your name. That's... that's all I remember. And the tall man, Sam, I remembered his name, but that didn't hurt. Things, like books and songs, they spark this feeling I just can't shake. But I only remember names," you confessed. His eyes lost their light. "So you don't remember anything about us? Not how we met, the things I said, the way we were, those nights together?" he asked, the hopelessness spreading in his voice. You shook your head. "Just the feelings. Like safety and strong and I think I loved you," you said. "I sure as hell did, baby," he chuckled. There was a ringing, so soft in your ear. 

Gabriel picked you up in his arms and moved you both towards the bed. He sat on the edge, scooting up towards the headboard slowly. "You have to hold onto me if you want to stay, okay? Don't let go, no matter what. I can't lose you again. Do you trust me?" he asked. Your mind went to Jem and how you had trusted him, but Gabriel was different. "I think I do." The ringing got louder and you wrapped your arms around Gabriel's neck, burying your face into his chest. He smelled like a Jolly Rancher and the cologne he always wore before. The scent brought back a memory. The memory of a late night entangled with him, his lips leaving a trail of light kisses into your hair line, his arms tight around you and his voice whispering the sweetest words. It was so loud, you wanted to cover your ears. "I know I loved you!" you shouted over the ringing, but he didn't reply. The room got brighter and then Lucifer was back. 

The ringing had stopped, but it was still bouncing around in your head. "Thought you could get rid of me, little brother? Remember, you learned all of your tricks from me," he said with a smirk. "Maybe you should refreshes, eh?" teased Gabriel. "Don't taunt him, Gabriel," you warned quietly. "So you should probably give her back, or it won't be good. She doesn't even know you. She's mine, you know," Lucifer continued. He took a step closer to the bed and you wanted to scream at him, but Gabriel had said to keep quiet. "No way, I had it first! Daaad! Tell Lucifer to play nice! You might be older, but I'm apparently more mature. She's mine," retorted Gabriel with a stern look. "Alright, I'll take her," said Lucifer, drawing closer. "You will do no such thing, Lucifer Morningstar," you said in a low voice. He seemed taken aback by your words. "Sorry? You don't even know him," he argued. "I think we both know I do," you kept going. Gabriel's grip on you tightened and you tensed against him. "I can clear you again, make you forget every time! You are MINE!" he roared. "I AM HIS!" you screamed back, unclasping your arms to ball your fists. Lucifer smirked, took four more steps and ripped your from Gabriel's arms. "I knew you'd break eventually," laughed Lucifer as Gabriel grabbed the angel blade from his desk and threw it at his brother. But he transported you somewhere far away from Gabriel.

"No!"


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life can be a little chaotic, especially when in reality, no one has a guardian angel. Well, everyone but a few special people. Guess you're REALLY special, 'cause you got one of the big four. Throw in some Winchester's, a dash of demons, and a splash of the Dark Lord Satan, it might get interesting. Stir well for most dramatic effect and enjoy!

Gabriel was ripped from your line of vision and you were back at the cabin. You shoved yourself away from Lucifer and ran out the front door. "(Y/n), get back here!" he yelled after you. You didn't listen, opting instead to run further into the woods. Lucifer caught up with fast. One of his hands reached out to brush the back of your arm. "DON'T EVEN FUCKING TOUCH ME!" you spat at him, whirling around. Angry tears came strolling down your face as one of your hands struck across his face. "(Y/n), you have to understand, I was only--" "Only what, altering my memory and taking me from the person I loved and now I can't remember anything, I never will, all because of the fact that you didn't get to me first! And let's not even go near the fact that you let me be tortured and broken every day for one hundred years 'just to see if she'd break'. You say humans are bad, well, you're worse! We're kind and compassionate and feeling and so full of love and willing to let someone go for their happiness over their own and we are one and together, even when you can't see it! Hell yeah, we bring out the worst in each other, but we love and understand what love is, quite unlike the kind of love you seem to think is acceptable! I want to trust you and understand you and be there for you, hold up my end of the bargain, but I don't know how I can when you've done something so horrible to me! I can forgive, I can forget, but this is not one of them," you raged. Everything was slowly going blurry from clear now that the tears had stopped coming so fast. 

The forest was silence and neither of you moved. "But I do love you. So much, I can't stand to see you with anyone else, especially not my brother. You're strong and beautiful and can take so much, which is why I let you be tortured, to see if you were strong. My idea of love might not be perfect, but it's good enough, don't you think?" he said sadly. You stared at him. It was obvious his whole world was in disarray and you hated yourself for it, but you felt a twang of sympathy for him. After a minute of silence, you said, "No, I don't think it's good enough. But I don't care. I'm leaving, so help me God. Don't follow me, Lucifer." He said other things, but you'd tuned him out. You pulled your light coat in closer and walked off. Lucifer didn't follow this time.

You walked for hours before the sun started to sink low into the sky. A family of rabbits had been following you and a flock of sparrows had filled the air around you with music wherever you went. Animals had always flocked to your side ever since you were a child. "Oh, Gabriel, I miss you," you whispered to no one in particular. "(Y/N)!" yelled a hoarse voice from somewhere. You froze, turning slowly towards where the voice had come from. There was a man with a scruffy looking face, wild dark hair, and thin lips. He was so familiar. He was older, looking like a father. You ducked behind a tree and waited for him to get closer. When he was close enough for you to touch, you realized his eyes were red from crying. "Mary, I lost another one. I lost a daughter and someone I just wanted to remind me of you. Forgive me, Mary, forgive me," he whimpered, kneeling in the snow. You felt sorry for him. You reached up and crunched a dead leaf in your hand, causing his head to shoot up. "(y/n)?" he asked quietly. You stepped out from the other side of the tree and laid a hand gently on his shoulder. "Tell me your name. I want to remember," you said. "It's me, it's John," he said, pulling you into a tight hug. It felt strange. He took a step back and smiled at you.

"I traced you back to here when I was asking around for a girl like you. Random hunter friend of mine said he shot you, so I'm guessing Gabriel healed you? What are you doing out here? I watched you die! How..." You took another step away from him and the hurt was evident in his eyes. "Lucifer brought me back. I... I'm sorry, I don't remember you. Or any of them. Just names, names. Can you take me back with you? I need to get to Gabriel," you pleaded. He nodded. His eyes were glazed over in awe. "I'm glad you're back. Dean called and said you were back, just normal. So I came looking, never stopping," he continued. The deer family you'd seen before was at the edge of the woods, drinking from the melting stream. The buck lifted its head to you and you stared at it before walking away with the man named John. The fawn's chocolate eyes watched you walk away.

So did a pair of blue ones.


	25. Chapter 25

John had this beautiful car, a 1967 Chevy Impala that was a shining black and beautiful silver outlines. You slid smoothly into the front seat, praying that the feeling of remembrance would either go away or spark a memory. Nothing happened. He turned over the engine and it roared to life before settling to a gentle purr. "Oh, wow," you said under your breath. "Dean calls her Baby. We've had it forever, since before Mary, my wife, had my first son, Dean. Do you remember him?" he asked. You shook your head no, but the feeling got stronger. "Tell me stories about the times we had. Dean and I, you and I, Gabriel and I, and I think his name is Sam," you implored. He smiled as he pulled out of the dirt road. "I'd love to."

He started out simple, the bigger plots of how you roughhoused, then he graduated to the smaller details, which was really fuel for your memories (or lack thereof). "When we first got to Bobby's to stay for a while, you slept in the same bed as him. Y'all loved to tease each other. He would smack your butt, you'd wink at him, the whole nine yards. Well, the next morning, he came down with this handprint matching your hand and the look in both of y'all's eyes made me grin for the first time in a long time. Your eyes were bright and so full of life, Dean's were matching, maybe a hit of pain behind them. He loved watching you read, then he'd tell me about the way your nose scrunches up when you get to a part you don't like. And Sam, he would never stop talking about you. Said you were the best person he'd ever known. Always loved the deep conversations me and Dean could never carry. Then the books you guys would read, they were crazy thick. He loved you like a sister and a best friend. You were like a daughter to me, and more. You reminded me of Mary, in every way. Your confidence, looking out for the boys, calling out my shortcomings, the voice, it was magical--" You screamed and shut your hands over your head. He pulled over quickly. "What?" he asked frantically. You held up a hand to push him away, but he slumped back unconscious. It felt like your head was exploding, then the ringing noises, then silence. 

There were thoughts where there had been none. "I'm going to sharpen fifty pencils, bind those pencils with a rubber band, stick them in your mouth, then punch the erasers." Laughter."I'm thinking of going to college." Love."Do you trust me?" Safe. "My name is Castiel." Trust. "I love you so much, (Y/n)." Hope."Gabriel!" Life. "Dad, she's still alive!" Family. "I love you, too." The memories came crashing down like a lifetime. There was so much good, so much sad, so much everything. You reveled in it, drank it in like a fish out of water, cherished it from the moment you could remember. Then the pain again. No, just the ringing. A flap of wings and Gabriel was sitting in the back seat. He reached forwards, dragged you into the backseat and on top of him, then kissed you full on the lips. It was a ragged kiss, full of love and adoration and life. "You remember now?" he asked, sliding one of his hands down the backs of your thighs. You didn't have time to reply before you blacked out.

"(Y/n)! Come on, wake up, come on. (Y/n), wake up," said a familiar voice. It faded in and out, coming in waves. "Open your eyes, (Y/n/n), please," whispered another voice. You felt someone take your hand. It was warm and massive compared to yours. Your eyes slowly opened and was met with bright green pair and a hazel pair staring down nervously. You let them drift close and squeezed the hand you knew belonged to Sam. "Sammy. Dean," you murmured softly. Sam audibly sighed and a flap of wings was heard close to you. "(Y/n), are you alright? I heard from Gabriel that you went unconscious and did something to John as well. Are you feeling alright? Like yourself?" asked a gravelly voice. You turned towards the voice and opened your eyes. "Yeah, I'm good, Cas. I'm good," you said weakly. Dean sighed and gathered you into a tight hug, which you returned, still holding tightly to Sam's hand. "What's my favorite food and song?" he asked, holding you at arms length. "Pie and it's a tie between Led Zepplin's 'Ramble On' and 'Traveling riverside Blues'," you rattled off. He sighed and hugged you again. 

Sam wrenched you out of Dean's grip and pulled you up against his chest with one hand while squeezing your hand again. "Remember me?" he said into your ear and you nodded. You held you tighter for another minute before letting you go. You went to Cas and hugged him awkwardly. "You're such a dork," you laughed and he loosened up a bit. "Did you hold you up your end of the deal, Cas?" you asked. He replied with, "Of course. They are unharmed except for a few minor cuts or bruises, which they would not let me heal. John escaped my vision for awhile, something you taught him while trying to run from Gabriel. He is alright," he said, a smile in his eyes. A hand pulled out back to sit on the part of the chair Dean had left open for you. "You're not getting away ever again. You're staying with me or Sam for at least a week. Not even with Gabriel. He lost you twice, we won't take that chance again," Dean said, wrapping both arms around your middle. "Can I see him right now?" "Of course, kitten. I was waiting for you to ask." You turned around to see Gabriel leaning against the wall. Once you pried Dean off of you, you went to him and breathed his scent in deeply. "You're killing me, Gabe. I think I'll be staying with the boys for a while, then you can have me back, okay?" you explained. He frowned and sulked, but when you kissed him lightly on the collarbone like he liked, he gave in and agreed. 

"So anyone up for the new season of Sherlock? Series 3 came out and we were waiting for you. We'll all be dead before the fourth one comes out, so let's get going! I need the hiatus!" cried Dean.


	26. Chapter 26

You had to re watch the Reichenbach Fall all over again. Then the other three episodes flew by, your favorite being The Sign of Three. Drunk Sherlock made you grin like an idiot. Gabriel didn't move from your side, preferring to hold you close against him. Sam left with Dean for a minute, then they both came back and finished "The Abominable Bride". Gabriel had one hand tangled in your hair and every now and then, he'd lean over to you and kiss you lightly on the cheek. Dean was sitting between your legs, holding onto one of your feet for dear life. The others were scattered around the room, but everyone had an easy look on their faces, even John and Dean. "I love you," whispered Gabriel, handing you a chocolate bar. "I love you, too," you whispered back, taking a bite. He kissed you, savoring the sweet flavor on your lips. "Hey, being porn, y'all. Save it for the bedroom at the end of this week," chided Bobby. You smiled into the kiss and pulled away when Dean dug his fingernails into your foot. 

"Anybody want some food?" you offered. "Oh, Lord, yes. Bobby can't cook anything but pancakes and burgers," groaned John. You grinned, untangled yourself from Dean and Gabriel, then walked into the kitchen. Opening the fridge, you pulled out the makings for your favorite memory: Christmas when you were eleven with your brother. Of course, it was nothing like a Christmas dinner, just a small chicken, mashed potatoes, mac n' cheese, peas, the basic stuff. You turned on the oven, poured the pasta in the pot, dipped the chicken in the hot tap water, all the things would take the longest. Then you heard someone enter the room. Turning around, you almost screamed. Lucifer. You scrunched your eyes tight, taking in a deep breath.

When you opened them again, he was gone, replaced by Gabriel. He was much closer then when you had closed your eyes. Taking you by the waist, he pulled you close to him and said, "Tell me what you need, (Y/n)." You closed your eyes and took a deep breath of Gabriel's scent in. "Um, I... I need you to mix the potatoes," you said softly, backing away from him and going back to put the chicken in the oven. He was obviously going to say something else, but stopped when you started humming along to the music in your head. He stared at your hips, the way they moved in time with your own beat, your hair, the way it fell down in waves over your shoulders, your soul, the way it was so bright. So he decided to listen to you this time and mix the potatoes.

"What song is it?" he asked even though he already knew. "'Crosses'. Break of Reality version. You know I like that song, Gabey," you told him. One the chicken was in, you wrapped your arms around his chest and laid your head against him. He snapped his fingers and the actual song played all around you. "Can't they hear it?" you questioned, but he just shook his head. You sighed and let the cello's fill your ears. By the end, the potatoes were ready and Gabe was humming along. "Everything's ready, we just have to wait for the chicken," you said. GAbriel snapped again, and he pulled it out of the oven with bare hands. "Winchester's! Bobby! Let's go!" he yelled. He smiled down at you, put you on the kitchen counter and went to get the plates. Sam strode in and closed his eyes. "This is what heaven smells like," he complimented. You pointed to the table and everyone followed him. 

You and Gabriel brought out the food and it was like a feast for kings. At least, that's what John said. Once dinner was done, Gabriel cleared it away with the snap of his fingers and you settled comfortably into Gabriel's lap. Dean kept shooting you glances and Sam never took his eyes off of you, but it was still comfortable to be back with the people you loved most. "That was amazing, (Y/n)," said Bobby, leaning back. "I second that motion," said Dean with a smile. A thought popped into your head and you whispered something into Gabriel's ear. He rolled his eyes, but snapped his fingers. A steaming cherry pie appeared in front of Dean and his jaw hit the floor. He pointed at it, then you, then back to the pie. You nodded and he got up, walked around the table, and kissed you on the cheek. "You're proof that God is real," he grinned, digging in fork first. "Yeah, her, not me, the literal second thing Dad ever made. Glad I'm appreciated," sassed Gabriel. Truth be told, you knew he didn't like that Dean had kissed you. His grip had tightened on you and his vessel heated up every time Dean looked up. You turned around and kissed him gently. "Calm down, baby," you said, flashing a small smile. He eased up and you sighed. Everyone was smiling and laughing and it was like you'd found home all over again.

True to their words, Dean and Sam had pushed another bed next to the one you and Dean had slept in. "What the hell?" you asked. "I told you, we're not letting you out of our sight," said Dean, shrugging off his shirt. "Oh, you are both sleeping fully clothed or else. At least bottoms, okay?" you said, eyeing Dean suspiciously. Knowing him, he had a devious plan like always. Sam had already laid down and pulled out a book from under the pillow. "The Magician's Elephant? Hey, that's the book I left here!" you commented on seeing the title. Sam nodded and flipped to a bookmarked page. "It's kinda childish, but it makes me feel less like what I do is horrible. Like, well, a child," he commented, blushing slightly. There was a knock at the door and Gabriel was there. "Last chance. She'll be safe after I set the Enochian on her," he said, not taking his eyes off you. "Yeah, no. She's staying here," said Sam, staring down the archangel. "It's up to her," defended Gabriel. "I'm staying here for a few nights. I want to go with you, but if it'll make them feel good, I'll stay. You can have me all to yourself for a few days to make up. I'm all yours then," you said, trailing one finger down his chest and planting one last firm kiss on his lips. Dean cleared his throat and you flopped on the bed in the middle. When you turned to look, Gabriel was gone.

Dean laid on the other side of you and went almost straight to sleep. Sam still had the light turned on from reading, which kept you awake. After thirty minutes, you flipped over and said, "Read to me." He didn't ask why, he just began. You loved listening to him read, the way his voice curved over the words like water over rocks. It was almost melodic. When you wanted to read along with him, you scooted over until your legs were touching. Sometimes, he'd stop and tell you how he missed you, but soon you were feeling as tired as you should have been. Sam put down the book and you looked up into his eyes. "You know, me and Dean looked everywhere for you. Called demons, tried Castiel, put up with Gabriel's games, no one knew anything. It felt like years, but it was less than a week. I didn't sleep, Dean didn't eat, Dad still didn't call back like he said he would when we said we found you, it was..." He paused to run a hand through his thick hair. "It was pretty bad. You can't just take off like that again. At least tell us, okay? I need you with me. You keep me sharp and sane. Stay with us for a while?" he asked, his eyes hopeful. You laughed and hugged him. "I promise, I'm not going anywhere," you said with a smile. It was a real smile, not something so fake like you had been after Lucifer had wiped your memory. Speaking of Lucifer...

He was sitting right at the foot of the bed.


	27. Chapter 27

He had been there ever since you got in the room. He talked and talked and was so in the way, but no one else saw him and when you looked at him, they'd ask you what you were looking at. So there he was, a projection, a hallucination. "So are you going to ignore me or what? Come on, play with me, (Y/n)! I'm bored!" he whined. You glazed over at him, the turned into Sam's chest, snuggling deeper into the blanket. "Please, keep reading," you requested. Sam nodded and kept on. You focused on Sam's voice and let yourself drift away from Lucifer's poking, prodding voice.

Dreams floated through your head of blond hair and blue eyes and wide, white wings burnt around the tips and pain and so tired, so tired. You were running and sprinting, trying to get away from the laughing man you once trusted. Begging him to stop as he pushed himself onto you time after time. The tears leaked through your dreams into reality and Sam felt the warm wetness soaking through his shirt and woke up to find you squirming and groaning like you were in pain. He shook you and even woke Dean in his frantic to awaken you, but nothing worked. Finally after twenty minutes of shaking you, you sat straight up and cried for someone who was long gone. You turned into Dean's arms when you realized you were back in reality. "Tell us," said Sam gently. "Yeah, (Y/n), tell us!" urged the voice you knew to be Lucifer. "Please go away," you begged at Lucifer. "You want us to leave?" asked Dean, the hurt in his voice painfully obvious. "No! Don't go, not you. I need Gabriel, can you-- can you call him?" you asked in between sobs. "Why don't you?" questioned Sam. When you didn't reply, Sam did what you asked. Gabriel was there right after you blinked and you sighed, sagging in Dean's tight hold. Dean passed you off to Gabriel, his hands lingering on the small of your back a tad longer than normal. "I'll be back, I swear. He can't get me. Just one night," you comforted. You reached out and squeezed Sam's hand, then Gabriel whisked you off to his place.

You dropped yourself out of his grip and went towards the bed, feeling your heart drop out of your chest when you saw Lucifer leaning against the wall. "So why the sudden change of mind?" asked Gabriel, coming up behind you and rubbing his hands up and down you arms. "I missed you. Besides, I want to cuddle with someone and I didn't think you'd be too happy to find me tangled up in Winchester," you said after a minute. You didn't know why you were lying to him. Perhaps because he was Lucifer's brother. "You're right about that, princess," he said, the smirk on his face leaking into his voice. One of his hands grabbed you under the knees and he swept you up a close bridal-style hold. "Oh, he's so strong!" swooned Lucifer sarcastically. You ignored him and rubbed you nose against Gabriel's. He pressed his lips to yours in a sweet kiss, letting everything he felt for you come crashing down in one motion. His hands didn't move, just stayed tracing circles around the back of your knee. "Keep this up, I'll have to do something about the tightness in my crotch, (Y/n)," piped up Lucifer, but you ignored him. 

"I love you, (Y/n)," mumbled Gabriel between kisses. You sighed your response and he grinned into the kiss. "I missed those pretty little noises, sugar. Let's see how many I can get out of you," teased Gabriel with one last kiss. Now his hands were firmly planted on your ass and he moved to lay you down on the bed. Once he had covered you with his body, he peppered you face with gentle kisses, descending in a trail down you neck and to your collarbone, which he payed special attention to. "God, Gabe is lucky, ain't he? It ought to be doing those things, you know," said Lucifer. You heard a zipper unzipped and you remembered Lucifer was still there. At least, to you. "Gabey, not tonight," you whispered, lowering your eyes. His eyes fell, saying, "Why? What's the matter?" He lowered you back onto the bed and cupped your face with his hands. "I'm not in the mood," you lied. Of course, he saw through it, but he didn't push, just laid down on the other side of the bed, not touching you.

You felt horrible, knowing how bad he wanted you, but he was, as always, a gentleman. You reached over and grazed his forearm with your fingertips, but he pulled away. "Gabriel, please don't be mad at me," you pleaded. He flipped over and looked at you. "Don't lie to me, (Y/n). I don't ask for much. Just that you just don't lie to me, especially after everything we've been through," he grumbled before flipping over again. You turned over as well, looking at Lucifer's smirk. "Oh, don't be mad at me, sweet cheeks, this is what you get. If I can't have you, no one can," he said. Snapping his fingers, a thick book appeared in his hands. "Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much," began Lucifer in a loud voice. He laughed an evil laugh and screamed the words even louder. You turned back to Gabriel's clothed back and sighed. Reaching out again, you closed your eyes tightly to stop the tears when he recoiled again. 

"Gabey, please..." you begged, scooting closer until your chest touched him. "My name is Gabriel, Miss (Y/l/n). And I think it is high time you leave if my brother had such an impression on you. Leave. The door's right there," he said flatly. You sat up, shocked at his words. "Gabe, what do you mean? You aren't--" "Gabriel!" he roared, getting up and dragging you to the door. "No, Gabe, stop, please!" you cried, holding onto him with everything you had. "Goodbye, (Y/n)," he said before slamming the door behind you. You pounded on the door and let the tears fall freely. "Gabriel, please! Please!" you sobbed, letting your fists go with every word. You weren't even in Gabriel's apartment anymore. You were just outside Bobby's junkyard. "Harsh landing, eh? You're welcome to come back to me, y'know. A little punishment might ensue, though," said Lucifer with a saucy wink.

"Gabe... I love you..."


	28. Chapter 28

You stood out in the middle of the field, staring at where a door once was. Rain began to fall and they mixed with your tears, the thunder masking your sobs. It was still cold out from it being March, but you didn't care. So you slowly sat down and stared up into the rain, not even listening to Lucifer's horribly off-key singing. "It might seem crazy what I'm about to say. Sunshine she's here, you can take away. I'm a hot air balloon, I could go to space! With the air, like I don't care baby by the way!" he sang even louder than before. At this, you snapped and whirled around. "I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! I've lost everything that's ever mattered to me and you're fucking singing? Do you want me that bad? Well, congrats! You've lost me forever, Lucifer! I hope you stay locked in the Cage alone forever, locked away with yourself forever! I was wrong to trust you at all! You're not misunderstood, I feel nothing but hatred for you! You're sick and evil and twisted and cruel and vile and horrible and appalling and repulsive and I don't hate you, I loathe you!" you screamed at the top of your lungs, hurling yourself at him. 

You knew you'd just go through him, but it still made you even madder. You screamed and yelled and cried out for revenge, but the only thing that happened was John came out to meet you, holding you tight as you thrashed and screamed. Dean and Sam watched from the porch, but you didn't care. After almost twenty minutes, your throat was on fire and no more tears came out. You stilled suddenly and slumped back against John's chest. "What a temper tantrum! Does Daddy need to punish his little girl?" asked Lucifer in a childish tone with a smirk on his face. You looked right through him with a defeated look on your face. John picked you up and carried you inside, stroking your hair gently when you were still limp. Before he crossed the doorway to go inside, Dean took you from his arms and took you the rest of the way. Sitting on the couch with you in his arm, he asked you what was wrong, but you couldn't bring yourself to speak. So he settled for just holding you. 

"Dean, we have to get her out of those clothes before she freezes. (Y/n), either we do it or you do. Pick your poison," said Sam, holding out a pair of sweatpants and one of your shirts. You stared at him and traced the letter's S-A-M-'-S P-L-A-I-D on the back of Dean's hand. He tilted his head at you, so you did it again until he understood what you wanted. "Go grab one of your flannel's," he ordered. When Sam didn't go, Dean nodded at you. Sam understood and went to get one. He was back quickly and handed it to you. You took them silently and left the room to change. 

You chose to change in the bedroom you shared with Dean and Sam. Opening the window, you stuck your hand out and felt the gentle rain on your hand. "Take your clothes off, (Y/n)," edged on Lucifer. Another tear slid down your face and you quickly changed, ignoring Lucifer's catcalls. You were so cold. Slinking back out to the living room, you found Dean still sitting, minus the shirt that you'd soaked. Now that you looked at him, he was actually kinda handsome. That hard chest, the full lips and his shining green eyes that you were seemingly seeing for the first time. He slipped a dry shirt on, finally noticing you. "Come here," he said, holding one hand out to you. You took it and sat down beside him, throwing a leg over his. His warm hands covered your cold one and he pulled your head into his neck.

Another tear rolled down your cheek and then another, soon changing into another weeping session. "Shhh, it's okay, (Y/n), nothing bad's gonna happen to you. I'm gonna keep you safe and nothing is going to happen, (Y/n)," he whispered, pulling you tight against him. You wrapped a hand in his shirt, holding him like he was the only thing holding you down to reality. "Oh, poor boy's trying to comfort you like he can make a difference!" snickered Lucifer. You turned around to glance at him. "What are you looking at?" asked Dean. You didn't reply. "You have to talk sometimes, sweetheart," he continued.

Sam was still leaning against the doorway with a bottle of beer that he'd taken from John between his fingers. By then, you'd fallen asleep. Only for a moment, but Sam obviously thought it was enough to talk about you. "Something happened with Gabriel. I don't know what, but she looks like she's seen Hell. Do you... Do you think he dumped her? He was always attached to her at the hip," said Sam quietly. "I don't know. I hope he did. He pissed me off, just wasn't right for my (Y/n)," replied Dean, brushing the hair from face. "Your (Y/n)? Possessive, aren't we?" teased Sam. "GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!" screamed Lucifer in your ear and you sat up and fell to the floor. The boys stared at you, but you were occupied with looking at Lucifer. "(Y/n)? You have to talk to me, princess. Tell me what's wrong," said Dean in a low voice, staring at you. Lucifer was laughing hard enough to hold his ribs. Sam had come to your side and had a hand on your shoulder like you were about to blow up. You pushed passed him and went straight for the bathroom. You slammed the door behind you and locked it just as Dean ran into it.

"(Y/n), open the door," he demanded, obviously frightened of what you were going to do. "Come on, (Y/n), we're just trying to help you," chorused Sam. "Oh, they're trying to help you! How adorable!" grinned Lucifer. "Can't you just leave me alone? You've done enough, now please, let me sleep. I'm so tired," you begged in a weak voice. "Sam, go get Dad or Bobby," you heard Dean say, but you didn't care. You were tired, tired, tired.

It'd only get worse.


	29. Chapter 29

"Nothing can help you but me, love. Come on back, I'll forgive you and then you can sleep. Truthfully, in my arms, but sleep is sleep, right? Come on, stop being so dramatic. Gabriel's not in the way anymore, is he?" said Lucifer, squatting to be level with your face. You spat at him. Of course, it did nothing, but piss him off, but he slapped you, and you felt it, alright. "Alright, now we can have a little fun until you decide you've had enough and come back," smirked Lucifer, pulling a shining knife out of his jacket. "Don't touch me," you said through gritted teeth. "Oh, you won't be saying that eventually," he said with a wink, drawing closer. You went to open the door, but now he was behind you with handcuffs. "I had other plans for these, but it'll work for now." He grabbed your arms, dragging you back and cuffing you to the piping behind the toilet. "Stop!" you screamed, kicking out at him. It didn't do anything but make him grin. He took one of your legs in his and flicked the knife in a quick upward motion, slicing your skin in a deep manner. You bit the inside of your mouth and screamed for help.

"Dean, Sam! Gabe! Castiel!" you screamed. With every word that fell from your mouth, another slice reaching higher on your thighs. "Oh, they can't help what's not real, love," said Lucifer, shushing you. There was pounding on the other side of the door and a flutter of wings. A patch of black hair and a tan trench coat was seen from the other side and you attempted to reach out to him. Castiel walked through Lucifer to capture your face and Lucifer hopped up on the sink counter to watch you struggle. "Cas, touch me," you begged. At that moment, Dean unlocked the door and came busting through. His eyes were full of rage at the words he heard. Cas tilted his head, but grazed his finger tips along your face. You didn't feel the usual pass of his warm grace, but the handcuffs disappeared along with the bleeding cuts. You flung yourself at him and he actually fell backwards with you clinging to him like a child. "(Y/n), why did you want me to touch you? I didn't even heal you from anything," he inquired. You took a few other ragged breathes before separation yourself from him.

"What the hell, (Y/n)?" demanded Dean. "I'm sorry," you said quietly. "It speaks!" Dean yelled sarcastically. You flinched at his tone, remembering the harsh way Gabriel had treated you. "Dean, maybe you shouldn't--" started Sam, but Dean kept going. "You don't talk to me even after everything I try to do, you hardly know Cas and you're on the ground mewling for him, and forget Gabriel! Am I just the grunt to you? Jesus Christ, I though you were different! That ass angel is done spoiling you if I have anything to do with it! Then all you say is you're sorry? The hell did Gabriel do to you!" he raged. "He left her. More aptly, made her leave him. Something about rejecting him, the face of truth disregarded for some reason. He does not want anything to do with her anymore," said Castiel simply. You stared at Dean, your eyes hardened and full of anger. 

His mouth dropped open slightly and he was flustered. "(Y/n), I'm sorry, I shouldn't have--" "Then all you have to say is you're sorry?" you snarled, throwing his words back at him before pushing past him and dragging Sam with you. Dean and Cas stood staring at the floor and then at each other. "I messed up big time, didn't I?" said Dean after a while. "If you mean you have significantly damaged yours and (Y/n)'s relationship, then yes, you have 'messed up big time', Dean," he said, using his air quotes. Dean frowned and said, "Should I try and fix it? I can gain her back, things will be back to the way they were, right?" asked Dean in a small voice. "I do not know, Dean." Dean sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair. "I'm gonna fix this, I will."

"He has no right to say those things to me! And like he has a hand in what I do with my love life and who I date or screw! He's just another guy for God's sake! Okay, so maybe not just another guy, but still. Why does he say such horrible things? Every time," you yell-whispered, pacing the room you'd settled on for ranting to Sam. Lucifer still wasn't there, much to your relief. "I know, he shouldn't have said that. He's just worried about you is all. I am, too, y'know. Worried about you, that is. You were screaming like someone was doing something to you and the minute we come through the door, we hear you telling Cas to touch you, which out of context kinda sounds... weird," he said, patting the edge of the bed next to him. You collapsed next to him and shut your eyes. "I'm baaaack!" sang Lucifer's voice. You groaned and pushed the palms of your hands into your eyes. "Are you going to tell me what happened? You don't have to, but it might help. You'll end up telling me one way or another," Sam suggested. You shook your head and turned on your side to put your stomach to Sam's back. 

"Do you want to listen to some music?" Sam asked when you stayed silent for a while. You nodded and he left the room to get his iPod. "Alone at last. Well, five minutes is too long. You might fall asleep and we can't have that," pestered Lucifer, poking you in the side until you rolled off the bed. Sam came back in and threw you a judgmental look when he saw you curled up on the floor moaning like a dying cow. "Get on the bed, loser, we're going music-ing," he said with a forced smile. You did as he told and threw your arms about his shoulders, resting your chin on his broad shoulder. "Pick your poison," he said, passing it to you. "A Capella or Game of Thrones?" you inquired when you got down to it. "Both. Peter Hollens, 'Rains of Castamere'. It's good," he said, pointing to a song. You clicked it and let the music flood your ears. It was beautiful, soothing, and would have put you to sleep had Lucifer not been as obnoxious as a two year old. 

And the first 24 hours of sleep deprivation begins.


	30. Chapter 30

Then the next 24 weren't as bad as the first. But then the next hour after that was what hit you the hardest. 

Dean and Sam, even John had tried to knock you unconscious many times, but you just popped back up with not even a bruise. Lucifer wouldn't leave you alone, always there, always yelling and singing and reading and poking and being a two-year-old in general. You would beg him to stop, to leave you alone, but all it got you was a strange look from the Winchester and no answer from Gabriel. Not that you wouldn't try, oh, no, you tried. You screamed for him until you were hoarse and Dean would drag you away, cried for him at night while Lucifer taunted you, begged forgiveness for whatever you had done hour after hour. He never answered your prayers, never responded or even sent a message through Castiel. From what Cas said, he was just as devastated as you were which made you want him even more. 

And Dean followed you around like a lost puppy, begging forgiveness for almost two days until you forgave him at last. He looked so full of sorrow and he was genuinely sorry for what he'd said, but Sam was still your main refuge. John and Bobby were background pieces, as much as you hated it. Always off on hunts that the boys always opted out of. Sometimes Cas would pop in, but it never really got rid of the main issue: you were falling apart from lack of sleep. It had been almost four whole days and now you were reduced to strict bed-slash-couch rest. As of right now, you were laying on the couch with your head in Dean's lap watching every episode of Doctor Who you could get your hands on. "Lesbian lizards and talking potatoes. What has the world come to?" Dean asked, absentmindedly trailing one hand through your hair. "Awesomeness," you replied.

It would seem that Dean had really changed over those two days you had been with him. And not just with words, but with his actions. The lingering touches, the small compliments, you really saw him in a whole new light. You didn't want to say you liked him (as you were still holding onto Gabriel), but you were falling for him in a new degree. Now was no exception. The once meaningless flirting was something so entirely different. He hummed along to a song in his head and you looked up at him, his eyes focused on the characters on the screen. He looked down out of habit and hummed louder. "I should pursue a career, I know, I know," he said sarcastically. "It was kinda nice, actually. Better than how Lucifer can sing," you said, sitting up. 

His eyes widened a little and he said, "Is he here?" Lucifer gasped theatrically and yelled, "About frigging time!" You shook your head and he wrapped an arm around you, pulling you back to him. "No, I mean he isn't getting any better. He was terrible and most likely still is," you reassured. He believed you, settling back down to play the next episode. You hated lying, more than anything. The Doctor was saying goodbye to Rose. "Rose Tyler, I--" You heard and looked up. "Wait, WHAT? He was burning up a sun to say goodbye and he procrastinated and then he didn't even finish the freaking declaration of love?" yelled Sam from the doorway. You jumped, not knowing he was there. "This is ridiculous!" gripped Dean. They huffed in unison and you smiled at their reaction. "I'm so done," said Sam, walking away. "Hey, Sam, can you make a quick run to get something for dinner? All this old drunk has is beans and whiskey," Dean shouted. You heard the door shut and then Dean sighed.

He shut off the TV and picked up a book. "Want me to read it aloud? Just some stuff Dad wanted me to learn," he suggested. You agreed and he started in. "A term used to describe a supposed spirit or ghost that manifests itself by moving and influencing inanimate objects. Reports of poltergeist activity typically feature heavily on raps, bumps, thumps, knocks, footsteps and bed-shaking, all without a discernible point of original or physical reason for occurrence. Many accounts also detail objects being thrown about the room, furniture being moved, and even people being levitated. Though rare, a few reported poltergeists have been purported to speak, including The Bell Witch in 1817 and Gef the Talking Mongoose in 1931. Blah, blah, blah, I don't care, let's do something else." You looked at him with a raised eyebrow and he sighed dramatically. "But this is boring!" he complained. "Yeah, (Y/n), have some fun with what little life you have left!" chimed in Lucifer. "No, we need to do this. Besides, what else is there to do?" you said.

"I can think of a few things," said Dean with a wiggle of his eyebrows. You reached up with one hand and stopped his eyebrows with one finger. "Like what? Sam is gone, so no pranking him, and we don't have any food to make and we've read the books. I don't want to watch TV, so let's get this done," you said, gesturing to the empty house. "Well, Sam is gone," he agreed, scooting closer and pulling you in by the back of your neck for a hard, passionate kiss that lit you up from the inside out. He was a good kisser. He took you by the back and pulled you closer until your legs were crossed over his. He smiled into it and then you sighed. He swiped his tongue over your bottom lip, causing you to gasp and he took the chance to insert his tongue. It touched yours gently as his thumb ran small circles over your hip, unconsciously making little words that you couldn't pick out. 

There was a ringing sound as he ground himself into the side of your thigh. "You've done this to me for as long as we've known," he growled, weaving one hand in your hair and pulling you tight against him. "Say my name, (Y/n)," he continued. "Dean," you whispered, kissing him again even though something felt so wrong. Kissing him, tasting his unique taste of him and only him. It was more bitter than Gabriel, but you pushed the though of him away. "Say it louder, (Y/n)," popped in Lucifer with a low voice. The ringing got louder so quickly you pulled away and tried to close out the noise with your hands. One hand over his ear, Dean used the other to pull you against his chest. The mirror hanging above the fireplace was shattered-- in the form of letters.

She's still mine -G


	31. Chapter 31

"Holy shit," muttered Dean, tightening his grip on you. You stared at the words in utter disbelief. He couldn't actually think you still belonged to him after everything he'd done. After he'd shoved you out the door of his home-- your home-- and left you alone in the ringing silence. "We can go somewhere else if you want," Dean offered, but you declined. "Come on, (Y/n), I'm getting bored and I need someone to satisfy me. I have needs, too, you know. Maybe you could help me and then we could sleep," nudged Lucifer. You kissed Dean on the cheek and pushed through Lucifer to close yourself in the bathroom. You sat down with your back to the door and sighed. "I'm so tired," you voiced, almost begging for sleep with everything in you. But you'd die before you went back to Lucifer. He was the reason you were in this predicament in the first place. You leaned back on the door and closed your eyes long enough to see flashes of your time in Hell. A tear fell down your face and you stifled your sob to keep from worrying Dean. "Calm don, (Y/n), nothing's going to happen, just calm down and we'll be okay, cool?" you sighed under your breath. 

"You know, I'm still here. It would seem that lover boy is still watching, but maybe he just doesn't care. I care, you know," said Lucifer lightly. He crouched down to your level and put a finger under your chin, pointing your face upwards into his blue eyes. "I care and can take care," he whispered huskily. You tore your face away from him, looking at him with all the hatred you felt welled up inside of you. "You sicken me, Lucifer Morningstar. You are cruel and disgusting and I will die again before I come to you willingly. No memory charm will make me forget the thing I feel for you now, no matter how powerful you are and may be. Nothing, dearest Luci," you spat. He smiled coldly at you before striking you back with the back of his hand. "You will not speak in such a manner to me, little girl. You will listen to Daddy or you will be punished," he whispered in a low voice. You stood up and walked out the door. 

Dean was waiting for you on the other side. "Sorry, I just got nervous that something was going to happen. I was listening. I didn't want you calling Cas again," he admitted sheepishly. "Oh, is someone jealous?" you asked, poking him on the nose. He grabbed you by the waist, pulled you in close so you could feel his hot breath on your neck, and whispered, "Very." You whimpered a little bit as he nipped at your ear lobe and mumbled something you couldn't understand. You felt someone watching you and you sighed in relief when you heard a door open and Sam yell, "I'm back! Pause your making out, please!" Dean smiled into the crook of your neck and walked into the other room to fling himself onto the couch in a sleeping position.

He had brought back burgers from a local place that he'd seen good reviews for. In truth, they were the best things you'd eaten in a long time. Fresh lettuce, organic meat perfectly cooked, and cheese that was just creamy enough. But you were barely able to taste it. Your eyes would drift off and you missed what the boys were saying to you. After a couple of times, Dean spoke up about it. "(Y/n), you okay?" he asked, reaching over the table to take your hand. You heard something whispering in the back of your mind and drew your hand away. "I'm just really tired is all," you yawned. "Go get one of my shirts and you can go to sleep in the bed. We'll be up there in a while," he said. When you walked by, his hand slapped at the back of your thigh and you jumped. They boys both chuckled. When you had gone out of sight, you stayed behind the doorway and listened in.

There was silence for a while before Sam said, "She seem off to you?" Dean agreed. "Yeah, definitely. The bags under her eyes, she's drifting off but won't sleep, the whole nine yards. I'm thinking something's wrong. Like someone's chasing her or maybe PTSD. Super jumpy and looks at things that aren't there, talking to nothing in the bathroom, stuff like that. Then there was the mirror thing." "What mirror thing?" asked Sam. "We were making out and then there was this ringing noise, then the mirror cracked in the form of the words 'She's still mine' and then a 'G', from Gabriel. He's still watching her. Whatever went down between them needs to end. He can't have her back, not after I finally got up the courage to mark her. And I'm planning on marking her from the inside, too," explained Dean, shifting in his seat to cover his crotch. "Dude, gross. No details about banging my best friend," complained Sam. Dean smirked, slapped his shoulder, and began to walk towards the door where you were hiding.

You bounded towards the room as fast as you could on your tiptoes. You hurled yourself at the bed and covered yourself right as Dean walked in. "You asleep yet, sweetheart?" he asked quietly. "Of course not," you replied just as softly. You heard the door close behind you and he said, "Sam can sleep on the couch tonight. He won't want to bother us, will he?" Your mind flew to Gabriel. He'd said the same thing when one of his brothers needed help and was staying with you guys. "Not tonight, Dean, I'm not-- I don't want to yet. Let's take things slow," you whispered, leaning up on one arm. His face looked crestfallen, but he smiled. "Whatever you want is what I want, baby girl," he said, crawling in next to you. You turned around to put your back to him, but he pulled you in close. "I've wanted to do this for months," he whispered in your ear. Letting a light kiss fall on your neck, you inwardly sighed. He pressed another kiss to your shoulder and you thought, "He always smells so good--just like the kind of candy I need. So sweet, just like him and the candy he loves." Turning over in Dean's arms, you weren't met with Dean's face, but a different one. One you'd missed more than anything.

Gabe.


	32. Chapter 32

You stared at him until his face fell away and was replaced with Dean. "Pretty good for just memory, huh?" asked Lucifer with a chuckle. You didn't say anything, just let your fingers dance over Dean's cheeks where Gabriel's had been seconds ago. "Now I can do this!" You saw the golden hair you loved and sat up. "Gabriel" was on his knees, choking on something you couldn't see. You knew it wasn't real, but it pulled at you harder than it should have. He dissolved, replacing it with a tied up Gabe. Lucifer put the knife to his cheek, saying, "Tell her how much you love her. Come on, say it." There was fear in his whiskey eyes, something you'd never seen. "I don't. I hate her, every minute I spent with her was a waste. So pathetic, a waste of space, useless and a failure. No wonder Daddy left her," he spat with a sick smirk on his face. It was something you'd never heard, not even in Hell. And it broke you in two. 

Dean was already sitting up beside you, but now you had no choice but to turn into him and cry. "You have to talk to me, baby," he coaxed. "Yeah, tell Dean-o how Satan is driving you insane, how he's eating at your brain! No happy endings will ever find you like this, pet," Lucifer snickered. "I need you to punch me as hard as you can. Either that or take me to the hospital. Dean, I need to sleep. Please," you begged him once you'd calmed down. "I... I'll get my coat," he stammered, putting his shirt back on. You rolled over and sighed. One of your nails fell off and you shut your eyes tightly against Lucifer's yelling. He'd have to stop sometime. Right?

"Okay, let's go. We can take one of Bobby's old cars since they're on a hunt and took the Impala," said Dean. His hair was messy, his clothes wrinkled and crooked. You went forwards and smoothed them out. His eyes never left your face. "I can't have you looking like this, even if it is to go to the hospital. Just clean you up a little... there, now you look handsome," you said, running your hand over the front of his shirt one last time. He was still staring at you with a smile tugging at his lips when you looked up. "You okay?" you asked. "Never been better, baby," he replied, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to your lips. His hand reached around to cup the back of your head and you put your hand over his. After a moment, he pulled back and set his forehead on yours. "You were worth the wait," he whispered. You blushed and looked down. "I think I'm going to need a minute by myself before I come to the car. Just to compose myself," you said. With one last kiss, he turned and left for the car. "We'll be right back, Sammy!" you heard Dean call and Sam said something in return. 

You stood there for a minute to reassure you were alone before you knelt by the bed. Clasping your hands, you whispered, "Gabe, please help me. I'm being attacked by your brother and he won't leave me alone. Gabe, I'm so tired, I haven't slept in over four days. I think I'm starting to shut down. If I die, if you let me die, then I'll be his forever and you'll never get me back. Please, I need you. And I miss you so much. Please, just a glance. Something I know is real. He's teasing me, hurting me. Please, Gabriel. I want to explain, but I'm scared. I need you, now more than ever before. Gabey, I love you." You were met with silence, then a two quick flaps of wings. Eyes flying open, you saw a tulip lying on the bed in front of you. Another two flaps behind you. Whirling around, you saw a folded piece of paper on the ground. It was snatched up by Lucifer. "No, no, no! We can't have you keeping contact, can't we?" he said with a smirk.

You remembered the knife hiding in the top drawer of the bedside table. You flipped over it, cut a small cut in the palm of your hand and pressed hard as you could on it. Lucifer sighed and disappeared like static on a TV. The paper was back where it had been moments ago. You walked to it, tying a shirt that was lying on the floor around the bleeding cut. 

(Y/n), I told you not to contact me. I can't keep interfering with your life if you're going to lie to me, shun me, then turn so quickly to some other guy. But I'm still here if you really need me. I can't severe our guardian/human relationship, however much I want to. Is it Lucifer? You need to sleep, just find a way. The Winchester's should be able to help you, you thought they could enough. Now just stop trying. We're through, even if we don't want it to be. You can't keep hurting yourself like this. It hurts me worse knowing it, but it has to be. Go find Dean and be happier with him. I can't love you anymore, (Y/n). I'm sorry, sugar. -Gabriel

Your heart was shattered and not all the best memories and hugs could fix it this time. Perhaps it'd be best to go with Lucifer. At least he'd still try and love you after you pushed him away.


	33. Chapter 33

Dean entered the room. "Are you sure you need this? Maybe if you went to sleep," he suggested. You were still staring at the paper in your hands. "I can't sleep. You don't think I've tried? Sleep was my getaway from problems, but I can't even do that because a figment of my imagination is keeping me awake and pushing me and hurting me and has ruined my relationship with the only person I've ever loved besides my brothers! And I'm sorry, Dean, but you're like my brother! I know you'll probably hate me for this, but I can't! I need Gabriel, but he's left me here until I die! He's going to let me die, Dean. He's going to let me go back to Hell forever, and there's no coming back from that," you snapped. He took a step away from you and let his head drop to his chest. The paper slipped through your fingers to the floor. "Can I have one last thing? I won't take anything you don't want," he asked in a small voice. You feel a twang of guilt at how young he sounded and agreed. "I just want one kiss." You looked at him and didn't say anything. Taking it as an agreement, he stepped closer until his nose brushed yours.

"I know I can't have you and I understand why. But I'm willing to wait if you want me to. I'll go to the ends of the world to make sure that you're okay first, that you're happy before anyone, including me. Don't say it back, I know you don't mean it, even if you feel obliged to. But I love you, (Y/n). Always have, always will," he said. A small, sad smile crossed his lips before he gently pressed them to yours. His hands rooted themselves in the hairs at the back of your neck, letting each finger dance over them lightly. Everything he felt bled through the kiss into your very soul and you felt something wet on his cheeks. His other hand rested on your hip, tracing familiar letters over and over again onto the warm skin. At last, he pulled away and let his forehead fall to the crook of your neck. "You're too far out of my league, anyways," he whispered. His arms snuck around, clinging onto you like you were the last breath of air in the ocean he was drowning in. "Dean, I'm not leaving you any time soon. I'm not leaving this family without it being by force," you replied. His grip on your tightened at the word "family". "Go on. I need some time just to think," Dean said. Always the gentleman, he opened the door and let you out.

You stumbled out the front door and stared at the spot where John had held you while you screamed for Gabriel before any of this started. You wanted to scream at the skies, rant and beg for the forgiveness you felt like you didn't deserve but you were just too... too. Too tired, too drained, too empty, too emotionally done. But you didn't care anymore. You spotted a clean-ish car near the spot and you opened the door. Collapsing into the leather seat, you sighed and rested your head back on the steering wheel. "What am I going to do?" you whispered to no one in general. Letting the thoughts of you and Gabriel run together, you felt a tear fall onto your thigh. "Gabe, I know you're angry, and I get it. It's my fault. It always was. I'm stupid and useless and a graceless creature that doesn't even deserve to speak your name, let alone miss you the way I do. I'll never stop calling, I'll never say I regret you or that I wish I never had met you because once, you were just what I needed. Oh, screw once. I still need you. Listen, don't, I don't care. But do you still remember me? Do you still remember the stolen kisses and the quiet, sleepy 'I love you' that put me back to sleep in the middle of the night, the nights where we'd finally stop hitting each other with pillows, and the movies we watched? Do you remember our song, the way your warm hands on my sides used to write messages I couldn't decipher?"

You took a deep breath in, wiped away the tears that were blurring your vision, and kept talking to nothing. "Please remember me. You were and are my lifeline, the last thing I have to hold onto in this hell I call my life. The Winchester's are there, but you were there first. I know what I said a while back, that you weren't really there. I was wrong. If I have to tell you this every day to make sure you don't forget me, I will. I love you, Gabriel. Nothing will change it. You're my memories, the first thing I will remember every time. If you want to lose me, you will. If you want me to die, I will. If you love me, I will. If you don't, well, I will. I love you, and I will love you until I die and if there's a life after that, I'll love you then."

"I love you, too, sugar."

 

Me again! Just thought I'd say thanks for the reads and just give you a bit of info. I know the updates are slow and everything, but they might be a bit slower. I know, I know, but with school, it's an effort already. Not to mention the fact that I've been having some issue in my life with my depression coming back and trying not to relapse... I'm trying as hard as I can to get over them as fast as I can. I can't thank y'all enough for the moral support, it's helping me a ton. I do this for y'all, so feedback is greatly appreciated and highly advised. Okay, I'm done pandering. Thanks for everything, and I'll see you in the next chapter! Bye-bye!


	34. Chapter 34

You lazily looked over to where the voice had came from and saw what you had been searching for-- Gabriel. Even from where he was, sitting in a car about a hundred yards away, you saw him clearly. His hair was messy and the clothes that hung off his malnutrition vessel were wrinkled, but his eyes were what caught your attention. Red and raw and puffy, like he'd been crying recently. "(Y/n), I'm sorry," he said in a sad voice. You didn't reply, just stared at him with blank eyes. "(Y/n)," he repeated, but you still stayed silent. "Say something, cupcake," he said, getting up and coming closer to the car. You shut the door and kept your eyes locked on his, mumbling nonsensical words. He reached through the open window to touch your cheek. "Baby, forgive me. I was being irrational and--" You took his hand away and rolled up the window, cutting him off. "It's not real, (Y/n), it's just a hallucination," you whispered to yourself. Gabriel was pounding on the door in confusion, but you started the car and pulled away into the dirt road.

You saw John and Bobby pass you, try to flag you down, but you ignored them best you could. The radio was on, but you flipped it off in a hurry. Normally, the silence would have made you itch, but now... Now it was the only thing keeping you from biting the bullet. It was ringing and so loud in your ears, it almost hurt. A flap of wings interrupted you halfway to the hospital and you screamed, "Leave me alone, Lucifer! I'm getting rid of you, no matter what it takes!" A hand lightly touched your shoulder and you pulled as close to the steering wheel as possible. "(Y/n), you're going to hurt yourself, stop!" pleaded Gabriel. You felt warm tears come down your face and Lucifer's giggle was close by. "Oh, this is really the last straw, isn't it? What a trick!" he snickered. You slammed on the brake and "Gabriel" went flying into the front seat, right through Lucifer. Lucifer disappeared.

He grabbed you by the face and turned you to look into his eyes. The eyes you wanted so badly to be real. "Look at me! Feel me, touch me, smack me, do something! I'm real, (Y/n), I'm real and I'm right here," he yelled, taking one of your hands and putting it on his neck. No, no, Lucifer even said it was a trick. His trick. Get rid of him, he doesn't want you, he even said so himself. Come on, you have to do this! His heart was beating the blood into your hand and his warmth came off him in waves. Everything in you screamed that it was him, but... His eyes, they weren't as dark as usual and he never would have let himself fall into such disrepair over anything, especially not a human girl. Fear in his every move? No, this wasn't Gabriel. "I'm right here, sugar, I'm here," he coaxed gently. His eyes moved over your face in terror. One hand cupped the one you had over his neck and he squeezed it reassuringly. 

"Yeah, kiss him, (Y/n)! I know you want to, just do it. I can let you see me always if you come back. As long as you're screaming my name, I don't care if you see Hulk," said a voice you knew to be Lucifer. "Gabriel's" chest was lightly heaving and his pulse quickened when you kept quiet. "(Y/n), it's me," whispered Gabriel. He was getting closer to you, causing your breath to hitch in your throat. "Stop." He pulled back enough to let you know he had stopped. "No! I wanted to see you kiss! Come on, I'm bored!" whined Lucifer. "What?" asked "Gabriel". You looked into his eyes and pulled your hand out of his reach. "I made a promise and I'm not going to break it. I don't care if it's for you or Lucifer or Dean or John or even Sam, it ain't happening. I have to do this, I have to show Gabriel he made a mistake and so I'm going to have to do this," you said in a low voice, eyes sill staying on Gabriel. By then, there was a car behind you.

"Do what? How show me I made a mistake" asked "Gabriel", the nervousness creeping through. "I loved him and I still love him and I will love him until I die. Which will probably be either in a few hours or another day, but I'm making this choice without anyone weighing my choices," you started, grabbing your phone. Flicking on the camera, you let it rest on the dashboard and pushed record. "Sam, don't forget me and replace me when you get the chance. You're amazing and so smart and kind and just... Love ya, Samster. Take care of Dean and John, those idiots are gonna need someone. Thanks for saving me when I couldn't save myself and being probably the best friend I've ever had. Dean, same goes for you. You're caring and strong and too good for someone like me. Don't go where you can't take your family and be nice to yourself. You're a good person and full of life and light. Don't lose it. John, take it easy on the boys. Take a break. Meet someone, in the life or out, I don't care. Have it be Bobby for all I care. You're a great dad when you're not yelling or HWARGing. I love you guys." With that, you ended the recording and looked in the rearview mirror and saw the car behind you had gone around replacing it with a fast coming Impala with two very angry Winchester's and a slightly irritated Singer. 

"(Y/n), what was that?" asked Gabriel frantically. You opened the door at the same time John opened his door to get out. You laid the phone on the ground and shut the door locking it. John grabbed it while Sam tried to get the door open. "(Y/n), open the door, please. You can't drive like this. You might get hurt. Let me in, let Gabriel drive at least," he begged. His puppy eyes were full blown and you smiled weakly at him before positioning the wheel at the edge of the road where you knew there was about a seven-hundred foot drop. Sam kept talking and John was watching the video. You looked back at Lucifer, then over to "Gabriel" and said, "I'm going to pretend you're real because I'm still scared." "Of what!" screamed Gabriel angrily. You took his hand and slammed your foot on the accelerator, taking you right over the edge of the road, away from John and Sam and Bobby's screams and "Gabriel's" attempts to get in-between you and the impact.

Now you were stuck in-between.


	35. Chapter 35

Everything was slowing down, like a slide-by-slide montage. Sam's screams mingled with John's and it was the true sound of the human soul crying out in anguish. "Gabriel's" warm chest came in contact with your back and your turned into him. Even if he wasn't real, he looked like him and he was all you wanted right then. Lucifer's laughter rang in your ears and then it stopped abruptly. Your life was flashing before your eyes and it was terrifying and full and terrible and tragic and wonderful and everything a life should be. Little memories stuck out in your mind like thumbtacks, little memories of every event you held most dear.

*Dean, laughing with a full smile on his face and a raised hand print on his back. Sam, walking down to the store with you as the crisp autumn air filled your lungs with clean air and red and orange and golden leaves danced around your feet. John, listening to you sing "Hey Jude" in wonder and the conversations you had about Mary and the way his eyes lit up with joy at the mere memory of her. The vivid descriptions of her, the terrors that roamed the night, everything so clear and fresh in your mind. Bobby sitting on the porch, scolding Dean for teaching you how to hold a gun wrong so he could be closer. Then Gabriel, the real, horribly real Gabriel, showed up and dip kissed you in front of God and everyone while Bobby laughed at a sulking Dean. Gabriel. Oh, God, he was everywhere. The little kisses, the cuddling and watching silly little mundane movies, his smile and the way he leaned into your every touch like it was the last. His silken hair between your fingers and his smooth voice in your ears.*

And then it was over. Over so fast, the glass shards didn't register and the excruciatingly torturous screams seemed to keep ringing in your ears that weren't working. Over so fast, the memories ended on one sweet kiss from Gabriel that ended so shortly, the night he kicked you out. Over so fast...

And then it was all back. In one waving motion, you saw Sam climbing down the mountain followed close behind by John. Something warm and wet was below you, but you didn't have time to see before it went black again.

John was there, holding your head in his lap and screaming words you couldn't understand, words you couldn't hear besides a scramble of hard consonants. Sam was holding your hand, his face blank and so full of emotion at the same time. His mouth was still and his hands were warm against your cold skin. The phone was on your stomach and you caught the name Dean before it went black one last time.

Dean was there this time, tears wetting your arm as they rolled down the wrist he was clasping so tightly to his chest. Sam hadn't moved and John was still talking, quieter now, barely above a mumble and it was the only sound around except for something else. Barely above a whisper and that's when you registered another set of hands on your skin, just delicate and cold above your hipbones. They were damp and moved slowly across your skin, tracing out letters you knew the pattern to all too well. You slowly tilted your head to see who was behind you, causing the Winchester's to take a collective gasp and freeze. Your neck wouldn't turn any further, so all you saw was the very edge of some very pale skin with a trail of something dark and red. "You're okay," said the thing beneath you and your eyes went wide as you realized the voice belonged to... belonged to Gabriel. Gabriel was dying beneath you and you couldn't even see him as he died trying to save you from your own hands. 

Every neuron in your brain was firing in pain as you rolled over to face him. Dean was trying to pull you into a hug, but you used every bit of energy to pull away from him with a scream. "You're real, you're real, you're here, oh, God, what have I done?" you sobbed. One hand tangled itself in the bloody shirt and the other squeezed his hand. "Shh, sugar, don't talk," he breathed. Your head fell to his chest and Dean tried to grab you again and this time, you lashed out. "Get away! I can't take this right now! Just go!" you yelled, pushing him away. You hated pushing him away, but... There was no excuse. You wanted him gone. You wanted them all gone. Gabriel looked at Dean in a hard way, a simple action you missed. "Okay," Dean said in a flat voice. He picked you up and carried you tightly in his arms away from Gabriel, back up the cliff to the Impala. 

"NO! No, no, Dean, please, stop, he's right there, we have to help him!" you begged, pounding on his chest and fighting to get away. His eyes were locked onto the stretch of Earth in front of him. Sam's hand rested on your bare foot to try and comfort you, but you drew it back and went back to protesting. "Dean, you can't take me back, please! He's hurt and I have to do something! Please, Dean, Sam, John, help him!" you pleaded. No one said anything and you wriggled enough to see Gabriel looked at you from his spot on the damp, cold ground. His every move was full of reassignment and hopelessness, something you weren't accustom to. Another familiar face peered out from the shadows, a blond face you hated more than anything. "Please," you whimpered one last time as Dean carried you out of Gabriel's line of sight and you went limp in his arms as you realized you'd lost again. Lost the battle again, lost a love again, lost a lifetime that had never happened, just... lost. Again.

You wept alone once you were back at Bobby's.

Again.


	36. Chapter 36

Seven months. Seven months since Gabriel had died at your hands and in front of you. Seven months since you'd fought Lucifer and zero days since you'd had a day without tears. No smiles, no laughs and jokes, just... trying to push him out of your mind any way you possibly could. Going on hunts, flirting (and beyond) recklessly with Dean and even Sam, getting drunk, staying in bed just a little too long, going so far as to taint the ever-pure Castiel. Not a sign he was alive and you had long since resigned to sleeping in minuscule intervals of half-hours at most and that was achieved only by hurting yourself. You could work on three hours a day forever if you needed to. Not to say that the boys didn't try to convince you otherwise. But you had literally made friends with the Devil and anything was possible to you. Except, of course, getting Gabe back. 

"That was hot, (Y/n)!" called Dean from the other side of the warehouse as the vamp's head fell to the floor with a sickening thud. You flipped the hair that hadn't been cut in almost a year behind your shoulder and kicked the head without replying to the eldest Winchester. A guy around your age was cowering in the corner and you took him by the arm and pulls him outside. "Were you bitten? Did they feed you anything?" you asked in a demanding voice. He shook his head quickly and you relaxed a little. "Okay. You can go," you said, this time calmer. He thanked you guys again and scuttled away. You heard large feet approach you from behind followed by a familiar scent and you fell backwards in a trust fall manner. Huge arms caught you with a chuckle and you forced a smile at Sam before going back inside to get your machete.

You heard the boys talking and moving around the car as you wiped the drying blood off on one of the corpse's. There was a familiar rustling of wings and you glanced up. You were met with dark hair and inquisitive blue eyes paired with a light smile. Pleased to see Castiel as always, you went over and tugged him outside to the Impala where the boys stood waiting. "(Y/n), I need to speak with you. In private, preferably," said Cas as you neared the boys. "Not now, Cas," you said. "Look who I found flapping around," you announced. Dean glanced over and grinned. "Hey, it's alive! Where you been, man?" he asked. "I have been attending to business in Heaven as usual, Dean. I sensed (Y/n) was longing for something, so I came down to see if I could be of assistance," he replied cooly. Sam poked his head out of the back seat window and said, "Nope, that was me. Been a while and besides, (Y/n) has been complaining about missing you. Thanks for coming, Cas." Castiel frowned and said, "Sam, I am busy. I will always come when any of you call, but please, nothing trivial. I must return." You rolled your eyes and hugged him before he could get away. "You're always busy, though," you whined. He glanced down at you before answering, "Yes, it would seem so." You faked another smile and kissed him on the cheek before getting in the back of the car. 

You saw Dean talking to him for a minute before Castiel went over to Sam's window and opened the door. "Dean would like me to come and for you to drive because he wants to 'make a move' on (Y/n)," he said bluntly. You pretended not to hear. Sam snickered, but moved over and Dean climbed in next to you. "I'm tired and your thighs are comfortable pillows," he said with a wink. Your mind flashed back to those nights and you rolled your eyes and brushed the thoughts off. True to his word, when Sam started the car, he rested his head on your thigh and closed his eyes. You let your hand absentmindedly drag through his hair and he sighed contentedly. "How far from the Bunker?" you asked Sam. The Bunker. Another new thing, It was home to you and the boys. At least, ever since you lost John. He shrugged and said, "No clue. Maybe an hour or two? I slept on the way up here, same as you." You nodded and leaned your head back against the warm seat, letting Dean's gentle breathing lull you into a fitful sleep.

"NO! No, no, Dean, please, stop, he's right there, we have to help him!" Blood, so much blood. Pain, sore, hurting. "Shh, don't talk, sugar." The shimmering glass, the dirt under your fingernails, eyes watching in wonder as you moved again. "Help him, please!" He's still, he's not moving. "You did this to me, cupcake. You're the reason I'm dead. You let me die, baby. Why didn't you try harder?" The glassing over eyes, losing eye contact, crying and crying and crying and

Your eyes flew open and your hands went to shield your face. Dean's alert eyes searched your face as he reached out to grab you by the shoulder. Your chest was heaving as it always was after the nightmare, but you'd learned how to clam it in seconds with practice. "Sam, pull over," ordered Dean. Sam glanced back at you, his eyes filled with worry. You pushed Dean's hands off of you and said, "No, don't. I'm fine. It was just a dream. Don't, Sam." Dean's eyes were angry, but he seemed to slump back in defeat. You all four stayed silent as ever, the only noise Lucifer's giggling as he poked you in the side. Needless to say, the ride was uncomfortable. 

When you got back to the Bunker, everyone went inside and you stayed in the Impala. Dean was wary enough, but he complied with your wish. After a minute of full silence, you sighed and got out to sit on the hood of the car. You opened the garage door to let the warm air in. The end of summer was nearing and it kept you moving. A breeze swayed past your bare leg as a single tear slipped down your cheek. You choked back a sob when you heard footsteps from boots you knew belonged to Dean. "I knew it. I knew you weren't fine," he said when the footsteps stopped too close to you for comfort. You did't say anything, just stared out into the bright expanses of forest overlooking a city. Birds chirped and the sun was shining, but it all hurt so much. "Say something, (Y/n). I'm done not knowing what's going on in that pretty little head of yours. You have to tell me or Cas is going to help me make you tell. I won't stand by and watch the woman I love destroy herself," he said in a low voice. Everything in you wanted to keep it to yourself, but the snarky, rebellious side of you won.

"Alright, you want to know, Dean? Really? Fine. I haven't smiled, laughed, or gone a day without crying in seven months, nineteen days. Every time I close my eyes, I have nightmares about what happen not-so long ago and I've tried pushing it out, doing anything, but nothing works. You've fallen in love with someone who doesn't even think herself capable of love since she left her's out in the cold to die. Against someone's wishes, I might add," you said very quietly. His eyes were wide and is expression like a child's, but you didn't care. Continuing, you said, "I have gone through Hell to make sure I don't do anything stupid or give in to whatever Lucifer says-- oh, yeah, ever since I died all that time ago, Satan's been chasing me-- to make sure I can be around for you idiots! I care about you and Sam and Cas, not the way you want me to, but I do care! Do you know what it feels like to be drowning on dry land or to be screaming at the top of your lungs for something to grab onto in a crowd? It feels like something is clawing its way to the surface and I cannot let it out, but I'll be damned if I let this destroy me more than it already has! Dean, I am dying and nothing you can say can or will change my mind from saying that I will never be the girl you fell in love with. Nor will I ever love again. I can't. Ever."

It looked like his world had been torn from him. "But... those nights..." he said weakly. "Had 'em with more than you. Hell, I've had them with your brother and Cas. I don't even care anymore. I think I should go," you stated, hopping off the roof of the car and grabbing the bag you'd prepared from under the seat of the car. Dean grabbed your arm in a tight grip and held you there. "You can't go. I can make you see you can love, you can fight this. I can't lose you and I don't care what or who you did, I love you, (Y/n). Don't go. I need you," he begged. You pulled your arm away and looked him straight in the eye.

"I needed you to let me go that night."


	37. Chapter 37

It had only been about an hour since you'd left the Bunker, but it felt like days. Every step was one more away from home away from what you'd lost. Although, truthfully, it was your fault. You hated being around the boys now. They were pressing and close and always hovering. Not that you hated the boys, no, you loved them. But their presence almost irked you in an indescribable way. And Dean... something about him had changed. So much more clingy and lovey-dovey, so unlike the Dean you had known. You wanted your boys back. But you knew they had been left behind with the body they tore you away from not-so long ago.

And it wasn't just the Winchester's, you'd lost John and Bobby within that short span of time. To say you were depressed and needed help was an understatement. The boys were reckless, Cas just couldn't show up in time, you had to watch the men you loved more than your own father slip away because "the hunt is more important". Daddy's little soldiers must never disobey. There was nothing tying you back down, nothing to keep the nagging noise at the back of your mind loud and center stage. Just you, the worn bag slung over your shoulder, and the swaying trees that dropped colorful leaves with every dying breath of wind.

Crunching the leaves under your shoes as you went, you looked up at him the dimming sky and felt your back pocket for the wallet you knew was there. Full and as old as you were, it brought a sense of comfort. A small tune escaped your lips and you felt free once more.

"Where do you think you're going?" asked Lucifer out of nowhere. "I don't really know. Somewhere I'm welcome, I know that much. Less drama, by myself. Just me and a figment of my imagination." He smirked at your reply and added, "Said figment ain't that bad, is he?" You rolled your eyes and stayed quiet. "Is there a good hotel around here? I'm assuming you'd know," you said, gripping the straps of the bag tighter. You still hated talking to him, but your will had broken after almost two weeks without sleep. He let you sleep for two days straight, the most you'd ever had. But still, it was hard. He wasn't like Gabriel.

After agreeing on him staying away for a while, he disappeared and then you were alone in the silence again. By then, it was dark and cold outside. The wind wasn't so welcome now. Another flap beside you and you finally resigned to the fact that Cas was going to come after you. "(Y/n), why did you leave?" he asked. "Go away, Cas. I don't want to deal with you guys right now. Please. I just want to be by myself. Stay away, Cassiel. For your own good. I don't want hurt you," you warned. "No, you must come back and try to fix the damage that has been done. We can fix this, right?" You have him a suspicious look. "Where did you learn to talk like that all of a sudden?" He shrugged. "Come back," he pleaded. You ignored him. "I will take you by force," he said calmly. "You will do no such thing, Castiel."

He reached out for you and you pulled an angel blade out of your jacket pocket. "(Y/n). Put it away. There's no reason for violence. I'm trying to help you," he said, lowering his hands. "No, Cas, I'm helping myself now. I'm a big girl. Let me go, Cassiel." He took another step closer and you swung the blade out at the man who taught you how to swing it. It cut the arm of his trench coat and he stared down at the torn fabric. "I will not stand by and let you get hurt," he whispered. "Too late. I'm just good at hiding it, even from you." With one last pitiful look, he disappeared. The blade stayed close to your side, tucked flush against your warm skin under your shirt. A moment longer and you knew he wasn't coming back. But it still hurt like he was standing in front of you.

You stumbled over on the side of the road and crumpled down to the ground. It was getting hard to breath. "Stay away right now, Luci, I need a minute," you whispered for Lucifer to hear. Leaning up against a tree, the moon shone brightly through the branches. You hated lying to anyone, especially the boys. Your eyes welled up with tears and you angrily brushed them away. "This is all your fault, G. I friggin' hate you," you whimpered as you pulled your knees close to your chest. Almost a year and you still couldn't even say his name.

A small noise came up from behind the tree and you grabbed your angel blade from under your shirt. Preparing yourself, you peered around the side and sighed. No angels, no humans, just... a small, grey kitten. It mewed quietly as you scooped it up. You smiled for the first time in a long time and rocked it in your arms. It padded on your shirt, continuing to meow. "Hey, there, Lil Key. Aren't you just all that?" you murmured, stroking his stomach. He stopped meowing so loud and looked up at you with big yellow eyes.

"Cutie. I'm gonna keep you."


	38. Chapter 38

With a tiny kitten in hand, you kept walking until you came to a small city. You pulled your wallet out of your back pocket and decided to spoil yourself. "A hotel might do me some good, just this once," you muttered. The grey ball of fur mewed quietly in your arms and you gazed down at it, using one finger to stroke the side of his face. Getting a taxi was the easy part, deciding where to stop was the hard part. "You look a little lost, sweetheart," said the taxi driver. "I've been lost a long time, I just think it's high time I did something about it," you replied quietly. She scoffed and nodded in agreement. "You're smarter than most, ain't you? My son would love you. He thinks the same way," she continued. "Perhaps we'll meet." She stayed in the silence and left you to ponder your thoughts until you reached what seemed to be the heart of the city. "Here, please," you requested. She pulled over to the curb and turned in her seat to face you. "I know you don't know me from Aunt Sue, but I think you're a good person in a not-so-good place. Be good to yourself, sweetheart," she said gently. You smiled back at her and got out of the car after paying her a little more than necessary. The kitten had fallen asleep in your backpack.

Walking a while, you found a grand hotel that looked good enough for the president. Walking inside, you said a little prayer that the kitten would stay asleep. "What's the cheapest room?" you asked the man behind the counter. He was actually really very attractive. "Our cheapest available suite is sixty dollars as of right now, but I think maybe I can bring that down about ten dollars for the most beautiful girl I've seen in a while," he said with a wink. You smiled and tucked a stray lock of hair behind your ear. "Thank you very much, sir," you said with a quiet giggle. Ugh. Acting, you thought. 

It wasn't that the man was ugly, by no means. His hair was curly and black, unkempt in a way that suited him. Green eyes that sparkled with curiosity and something a bit more devious. Fair skinned and taller than you by a good bit, it seemed that muscle was corded up and down every inch of him. His voice was dark and rich, one you could imagine reading (Favorite Book) to you on a cold, rainy day. He said something and it snapped you back into attention. "I'm sorry, what was that?" "Can I get your name for the room?" First name that popped into your mind was Cas', so you calmly and confidently said, "Cassiela Winters." His eyes met yours as he mumbled something. You didn't ask what.

"Well, Miss Winters, I do hope to see you around. If you need anything, please, just ask for a one Scott Cawthon," he said, handing you back the credit card Sam had given to you less than a week ago. He hadn't even bothered to look at the name on the card and you cursed yourself for being so foolish. "As do I, Scott." He smirked at the sound of his name and you turned your back to walk away. You heard him snicker. A small sound from your backpack made you walk a little faster. "Hang on!" you whisper-yelled to the young boy on the elevator. His hand jabbed out and caught the door before it shut. "Thanks, kid," you breathed softly. "Michael," he said abruptly. "Huh?" you asked, looking at him. He was short, but still looked about twelve. "My name isn't kid, it's Michael. And 'Scott's' name isn't Scott, it's Seth. He's my older brother. Our parents run this place," he said, avoiding your eyes. "Thanks, Michael. I'm (Y/n). Y'know, I had a friend named Michael once, he was really nice until he just up and left one day. I'm starting to think you're a nice kid," you said with a smile. Remembering your Michael brought back memories of the zoo and all the other fun things y'all did. "My dad says I'm a bad kid," he said suddenly. You looked down at him as the elevator door dinged and slid open onto your stop. "Hey, you can come down to my room if you want to talk sometimes. I don't really have any friends and you seem like a nice kid." He nodded. you got off, and away he went to another floor.

Unlocking the door and going in, you set down the backpack and let the kitten out to roam around a bit. It raced around like a maniac and you couldn't help but smile at its antics. You took off your clothes to take a quick shower. Letting it go to the hottest setting, you stepped in and let the hot water go in over you. As soon as you grabbed the shampoo, someone opened the door to your room. You grabbed a towel and the gun underneath the clothes you'd shed, quickly wrapping it around you and pointing the gun at head level. "Miss (Y/n)?" asked a small voice. "Michael, how did you get in? Now's really not a good time, kiddo!" you sighed in exasperation. "You said I could come visit you whenever. My mom doesn't want to see me right now, so I wanted to come see if you wanted to watch me play my 3DS. I'll leave if you don't like me," he said in a normal voice. You sighed internally and said, "I'll be out in a minute, Michael." 

When you came out, he was still not looking you in the eye. Avoiding eye contact, almost. "I like your cat," he said in a dull voice. "Thanks. I haven't actually picked a real name for him yet. What games do you have?" you asked, flopping down next to the small boy. "I only have two since Mom and Dad don't let me have any anymore. But I like these. I have 'Pokemon X and Y' and 'FNaF World'. They're fun. Can we play FNaF world?" he asked innocently. "Of course. I have no clue what those games are, though, so you can teach me, right? You're probably really smart, Michael," you said, scooting closer to peer over his shoulder. "Can you call me Micah? My mom used to call me that before she got made at me," he asked quietly, setting down the DS in his lap. "I will if you look at me and tell me why your parents are mad at you." 

He hesitated for a minute before looking up to you and you smiled. His eyes were brown in one eye and blue in another, beautiful. "My mom thinks I'm ugly and my dad doesn't like my boyfriend, Blake. He calls me horrible names like faggot, but I don't think I'm that different, am I? Am I a freak, Miss (Y/n)?" You hugged him and said, "Nope. You're still pretty friggin' awesome, Micah. I think Blake's a lucky dude." Micah grinned with big eyes and excitedly grabbed his DS and pushed it into your hands. "You play, I'll help you! It's real easy, promise. Just push that button right there, okay? I like you, you're nice, Miss (Y/n)," he rattled off excitedly. You chuckled and did as he said.

The rest of the night was the best one you'd had in months.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) - Hey, guys, Elys here! Just to let you know, this is the last chapter in this story, but that doesn't mean I won't be doing more! If you liked this story, punch that kudos button in the face, LIKE A BOSS! Jk, jk. But for real, I'm gonna need a new plot line if you want more. Anyhow, I hope you have a great day, week, month, walk through life, and I'll see you in the next chapter! Goodbuhy!

Waking up to pounding on the door wasn't something you were expecting. And without coffee, at that. Dragging yourself out of bed and shoving the cat inside the bathroom, you opened the door slowly with a gun shoved in the backside of your pants. Micah was standing there with an older woman who looked like you'd shot her dog. "Can I help you, ma'am?" you asked with a faint smile. "Is it true that my son was with you as of last night? He claims it, but somehow I find it hard to believe," she said. Her voice was cold, as if I had insulted her. "Yes, ma'am, Micah was with me last night. We played games, watched television, and then he left. I can assure you he was safe. No harm came to him," you calmly said. She turned up her nose and Micah looked up at you with tears brimming in his eyes. "That's all. Have a pleasant stay, Miss," she said, suddenly turning warm and inviting. She turned and walked away, leaving Micah standing in front of you with his eyes on the ground.

"I'm sorry, (Y/n). I shouldn't have come anyways.I'll go away," he whispered. You crouched down and looked into his eyes. "You have nothing to feel sorry for, Micah. I haven't had a friend like you in a long time. Did she hurt you?" you asked. He nodded and you sighed internally. "Come inside. If you let me get ready, we can go get some breakfast and do something. I need to get out of here, I'm feeling frisky. Does that sound good?" you suggested. He nodded again and walked in with you. "You can watch TV until I get out. Don't poke around too much, okay?" He didn't respond and you gathered your clothes.

Hopping in the shower, you let the warm water fall down your shoulders. A small cry alerted your to the ball of fuzz just on the outside of the tub. "You need a name, don't you?" Of course, the first name that came to mind was Gabriel, but you pushed it away. He was gone, gone for real this time and not coming back. "Perhaps Smoke? You're grey enough. Maybe Sans? Undertale isn't going away for a while, damn Pacifist run." He meowed again and you sat down under the steady stream of water. "I like Ashfur. A play on words, sounds like a book I'd like, and infers that you've been through Hellfire, but came out of the ashes," you said to yourself. Hearing a noise like wings, you flung open the curtain to find... just the kitten. "I'm losing it," you murmured, washing and getting out quickly. 

Dressing and putting on minimal makeup took ten minutes. Getting the gun in your backpack without Micah noticing it was the difficult part. He noticed it anyways. "You're not supposed to have guns here," he said casually. You froze. "It's, uh, it's a long story. Please don't tell your family." He grunted in approval and you sighed. Going to peer out of the window, you thought you saw a familiar head of golden hair. "Well, don't you look gorgeous? I'd bang you. Not that I wouldn't bang you usually," said Lucifer's voice. You rolled your eyes and gestured softly to Micah. "Can I tag along?" Lucifer asked, causing you to shake your head. "He'd know," you said as quietly as possible. "Who'd know?" asked Micah. "Jesus, nice hearing, kid," remarked Lucifer before disappearing. "Let's go," you said, grabbing your bag and darting out the door with Micah.

"Do you have a jacket? It's cold outside," you asked. "Not with me." You handed him yours and pulled on of Sam's out of the bag. It engulfed you as much as yours did to Micah and you grinned at the sight. You managed to get out of the building without Micah's family noticing. "How does Starbucks sound? I'm feeling like a basis white girl right now and their stuff isn't half bad," you suggested. He skipped ahead of you and giggled. For someone his age, he acted much younger. You found the nearest one and ordered a simple black coffee and a cookie for Micah. Sliding into the seat across from him, you leaned back and looked out the window. Micah looked out with you, mumbling something. "What was that?" you asked. "I said that I don't want you to leave. You're staying in our hotel, so you're going to leave and I'll be alone again. I'm always alone because people always leave," he said louder, not making eye contact. "What about Blake? You've got him, don't you?" He turned to look at you and it broke your heart. "No, I don't. I wish I did. I really like him, in fact, I think I love him. But he doesn't know I exist because I'm just the boy who sat quietly in the back of the room before going to home school. I told you. I'm always alone." You pushed a stray lock of hair out of his face and then his whole body glitched before he disappeared. You stood up and yelled, "Micah!" Everyone turned to look at you.

Eyes stared at you from every direction and you couldn't stop spinning around, not even when the glass behind you shattered and a pair of large hands grabbed you. Not even when Sam's voice cooed in your ear to calm down and Dean's car came into view with him glitching as well. Not ever when Gabriel's face came into views, screaming horrible things at you. No, you didn't stop moving and spinning, screaming and crying, until you felt safe and at home, right where you belonged.

 

\- - (A/N) Just in case you didn't see it, I REALLY need y'all to look at the Chapter Summary if you haven't already! If you have, great! If you're going back to read it, also great! I hope you have a great day, week, month, walk through life, and I'll see you in the next chapter! Goodbuhy! - -


	40. JUST KIDDING HAVE AN EPIC FINAL CHAPTER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sup, y'all? I decided to give this story one last thing, just to kinda put a final edge to the story. Thanks for getting this far and I hope y'all have enjoyed this roller coaster of a fanfic!

Everything was burning down around you, literally and physically. Someone was yelling your name while you thrashed about, trying to get away or wake up from this nightmare. You heard Micah's small whimpering and you reached out to where it was. The light was getting bigger and bigger, turning more and more to a blinding golden color. The noises got louder until you thought you were going deaf and Micah's voice disappeared completely. The light was so bright now, it was almost destroying your vision. A bit more, and it did. Everything was black and so horribly still. A steady beeping noise with the warmth of a pair of hands on your shoulders, but you couldn't open your eyes. You didn't _want_  to open your eyes. You were too afraid of what you'd see.

Perhaps you'd had a mental breakdown like you'd predicted and you were in a hospital of crazies. They might have taken Micah away, but not without a fight. The hands were going to restrain you back and you were strapped to a bed with medicine going into your arms, the pale blue and white colors of everything in the room that reminded you of the North Pole. Nothing was going to be alright this way, and you knew it.

Perhaps Lucifer had gone back on his word and taken you back with him and you'd never see the true light of day again. Not the big, bright, beautiful moon or the laughing children or the couples falling in a kind of love you once had or the rich light that filtered through the trees like gold. Never hear the sweet sound of turning a page in your favorite book or the live performance of your favorite band or the revving of a stunning car or hear the soft whispers of old men to their wives about how much they loved them. Only being so terribly alone that the walls seem to come down on you. Nothing was going to be alright this way, either.

Perhaps a lot of things had happened, and nothing was going to be alright that way. You just wished you would wake up. Wake up to a world in which everything was okay again. When _he_ was with you, when the boys cared about you for you, and where the beautiful flowers were still by your bedside table each morning and Gabriel was in holding you close in his arms. When your words didn't lose their meaning and what you felt and what you said didn't have such a rift between them. You just wanted to wake up. 

And so you did.

"I love you, kitten." Your eyes flew open and you held your breath. In a sweeping gaze, you took in the scenic overlook of what seemed to be New York through a wall of glass. Strong arms were wrapped around you, one hand rubbing your shoulder with a thumb. Looking behind you, you were met with a sight you almost cried at. Gabriel was there, his hair in a mess and amber eyes gazing down at you in adoration. You opened your mouth to say something, say anything, but nothing came out. "We should probably get up soon; our son will be up soon and your brothers sometime after that," he said, his voice still thick with sleep. You reached up and touched his cheek with one hand. He cupped your hand in his and leaned into your touch, moving only to brush away a tear that fell down your face.

"Are you okay, baby?" he asked. You opened your mouth to say something, but the door to the bedroom bust open and a small boycame flying onto the bed. "Hey, kiddo! How'd you sleep?" Gabriel asked, picking him up and setting him between the two of you. He looked to be about six and had his father's hair, only curlier and longer, with your eyes. His face was angular, reminding you strangely of John's. "Good, Daddy! Mommy, why are you crying?" he asked, holding your face in his tiny hands. You placed a hand on his and stared. "I think Mommy's tired, that's all. Right, kitten?"  You nodded and Gabriel and the child smiled in unison. "Micah, son o' mine, would you like to make breakfast for Uncle Dean and Aunt Lisa and Ben?" asked Gabriel, pulling the boy into his lap. "And Uncle Sam and Auntie Jess! Auntie Jess especially, she needs it for the baby in her tummy," he said seriously.

Gabriel laughed a hearty laugh, just like the one he used to. "Okay, kiddo, get going. I'll be down in just a minute. Don't make a mess!" Gabriel called as the boy grinned and bounced away. You, looked after him with your mouth open as Gabriel pulled you back into his arms. "Seriously, are you okay?" he asked quietly. Turning back to him, you managed to squeak out, "Is this real? Are you here? Did we... did we get out of the life?" He tilted his head and smiled at you. "Sometimes, I think I married a crazy lady," he said. He brushed the hair out of your face and kissed your forehead. "Tell me my life story. I want to hear you tell me. The quick version, I guess," you pleaded, holding his hands tight against your abdomen.

"Okay?" he snickered. Continuing, he said, "Your parents are John and Mary Winchester, and you're the youngest with two older brothers, Sam and Dean. You had a boring childhood, as you always put it, and we met when we were freshmen in college and I fell in love with you faster than I can say my A-B-C's. Just absolutely stunning, and you were funny, too! Smart, sophisticated, but such a fun girl. I knew you were the one, and I had to make you mine. We graduated together and I asked you to marry me, and you said yes, much to my surprise. You were and still are so far out of my league, babe. You got pregnant, and we had Micah, our first out of what I'm hoping will be more. Now I get to tell you how much I love you every single morning and wake up to the most beautiful girl."

You pressed your lips to his in a heated attempt to pull him closer and he grunted in surprise and then fell in with the rhythm. Your hands went for his shirt, but he stopped you there. "Sam and Jess are next door and Micah's gonna want me. As much as I want to, and I _really_  want to," he paused, gesturing down, then continued, "I have to go. Can I get a rain check?" You smiled and nodded. He got up and went to the door, turning around to take one last look at you. "You still take my breath away. Love you, kitten," he murmured before walking away. "I love you, too," you choked out between relieved laughs.

You stayed sitting in the bed until the noises of the household woke you up. Everything was real. This? This was no dream. You remembered things, things that had just happened recently in this life. No, not this life, _your_  life. You really were a Winchester by blood, you really were Gabriel's wife, you really were a mother. Flinging your legs over the side, you pulled on one of Gabriel's old sweatshirts that came down past your knees and padded your way downstairs.

Sam had his arms around a blonde woman's waist whose belly was swollen. She turned and her name popped into your head. "Good morning, Jess. Morning, Sammy," you said. Sam turned around and smiled brightly. "Good morning," he said before laying a light kiss on Jessica's shoulder. A blur of blond attacked your leg and you looked down to see Micah on your leg. "Mommy, Daddy and me made pancakes for all of us! I think Uncle Cas and Uncle Luci are coming to open presents with us!" he spouted off quickly. You rubbed his head affectionately and he ran off after a bigger boy with brown hair that you knew to be Ben.

"Careful, boys!" shouted a deep voice that you recognized to be your eldest brother from somewhere close. He emerged from the doorway with what could only be described as hedgehog hair. "Morning, guys. Merry Christmas," he said, slumping into a seat. "Merry Christmas!" echoed everyone else. "Where's Lisa?" asked Jess. Dean jabbed a thumb behind him to indicate that she was still asleep. "You want syrup on your pancakes, Dean-o?" asked Gabriel. Dean grunted and you smiled. This really was your life. You lifted yourself onto the counter to watch Gabriel make more food for the oncoming slew of his siblings. He stopped to pop a chocolate chip in his mouth every now and then, ever giving you one.

The sounds of laughter came from the living room along with the quiet crackling of the dying fire and the adults were still in the kitchen, lightly discussing what they'd gotten the kids. Gabriel had finished cooking and had wrapped your legs around his middle, resting his head lightly on your shoulder. You, in turn, wrapped your arms lazily around his shoulders and kept talking. He would have fallen asleep, had his brothers not gotten there and you'd gotten up to greet them.

Opening the door (and ignoring the chaos caused by the boys in the living room), you were wrapped up in a giant hug from one of your favorite brothers, Balthazar. Behind him stood Michael, Castiel, Lucifer, Gadreel. "Hey, Balth! Michael, I didn't think you'd make it, what with work and all. But once you're a CEO, I guess you get to pick you hours, don't you? Come in, come in, Gabriel made food and the others are in the kitchen talking!" you said in a rush. Each one of the brothers gave you a light hug, Lucifer's being a bit too long, but he always the affectionate one.

Sounds of joy were coming from every room and the fear that it was just a dream faded quickly. It really was just a dream. You stayed by the front door, listening to the sounds of life. You were so caught up in listening to everything and relishing in the moment that you didn't hear your husband sneak up on you. One of his hands took the hand that was pressed against the front door and quickly put you into a dancing position. You recognized the song playing, _Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas_ , the Sam Smith cover. It was soft enough for you to still hear the others and yet not so soft you couldn't hear it. 

Gabe led you into the dancing position and he swayed back and forth slowly. You rested your head on his collarbone and listened to him hum softly and slightly off-key to the song. "Every Christmas, I've heard this song. And every Christmas, I've been happy. But never like this. I'm content here with you, (Y/n). With Micah and every thing we've made together. This life is the one we've made together. You're the reason for the season, damn it. I love you, sugar," he whispered in your ear in between soft forehead kisses. "I love you, too, Gabriel," you whispered back. A strange sigh came from the doorway and you both looked over to see your eldest brother holding his phone up at you two. Your mother, Mary, was gazing back with a sweet smile on her face.

"Deeean!" you whined, hiding your face in Gabe's shirt. Gabriel laughed along with Dean and his arms encircled you in a close hug. He lightly kissed the top of your head and you blushed. "Alright, you two, keep it PG. (Y/n), Mom wants to talk and then I think breakfast meal is ready. Then presents?" he asked in a hopeful tone. "Of course, Dean-o. Just give me and my beautiful lady a minute, will ya? I put mistletoe here for a reason, Curly Stooge," Gabe said for you, causing you to blush even deeper. "Three-point-one-four seconds, okay?" Dean threw over his shoulder as he disappeared back into the kitchen.

"Did you really put mistletoe above us?" you asked sheepishly. Even after being together so long, Gabriel still managed to make you blush and your stomach to flutter. "Look up, kitten." You looked up and caught a glimpse of something green before his lips descended gently on yours. He smiled into the kiss when you hooked your leg around the back of his calf and you did the same when he tangled his hands deeply into your hair. You nipped gently at his bottom lips and he pulled back, resting his forehead on your and looking deeply into your (e/c) eyes. 

"You know what happens when you do that, baby. I really don't think that's a good idea, not when there's other around. Won't want them coming around to see why you're screaming, do you?" he said with a devilish glint in his eye. You trailed one finger down his jaw to his chin, hooking a finger under it and pulling him down to you for a quick peck before walking away with a bit more zest than usual. "Maybe I _do_ want that. You never know, Gabe," you murmured quietly enough for him to hear. He leapt out to grab you by the wrist, but you slipped away into the kitchen.

Dean was sliding his phone into his back pocket, laughing at something Lucifer had said. Sam had his head resting on Jessica's shoulder with his eyes shut and his arms looped around her waist since she was sitting on his lap. You heard Ben yell Micah's name as a pair of strong arms wrapped around your waists and a gentle kissed placed on the back of your neck. "Oh, come on, guys, not in the kitchen!" complained Gadreel. "You don't think we've not marked the kitchen already?" said Gabriel casually with a wiggle of his eyebrows. You slapped his arm and everyone groaned in unison at the thought. "What?" he said innocently and you blushed a deep red. 

"That's disgusting, Gabriel. None of us wished to know," scolded Castiel, crossing his arms over his chest. "Can we just go open presents now?" asked Dean loudly. "YEAH!" yelled Ben and Micah from somewhere close. You smiled and nodded your head. Jess whispered something in Sam's ear that caused him to perk up and walk to the living room with the rest of you. "Come on, Mom, hurry up!" yelled Ben. You smiled and walked with everyone else to the living room. 

After fiddling with the radio a bit more, it landed on Peter Hollens' "December Song" and you went back to sit on the floor next your husband's legs. "Micah, Ben, why don't you guy pass out the presents and then we can do stockings?" suggested Sam, to which they both agreed to. 

The sounds of joy were everywhere and you were happy. Not content, but happy. Your son was tearing into his presents with his best friend, your brother's step-son. You were nestled close to the love of your life and everything was just as you wanted it to be. The music was floating softly in the background and then you realized that this was it. This was real and this was your life and this was all you ever wanted.

Gabriel pulled you up next to him after all the presents had been opened and everything was calmer to be sandwiched in between him and Jessica. One of his hands absentmindedly drew shapes on your legs and you rested your head on his shoulder. He moved himself so that he could put his face in your hair, inhaling deeply. "I love you so much, princess," he mumbled, pressing a light kiss to the side of your hair. You closed your eyes and let yourself relax.

It was a merry Christmas after all. 


End file.
